Today

 Happy new year! So many cobwebs here 

Bookmarked

I don’t want to forget 

I’m thankful to God for life 

On the 19 of sept 2020 

I had  a stroke!!

Absolute randoms!!

 I’m on a fitness challenge once again. 

Taking it more serious now, jumped on the exercise wagon In July. My pace is slower this month so far but this group challenge should help me get back and improve my pace! So help me Lord !!!  

This age 40 sha . There’s something it does to the mind like a shift. A good one though. I pray for God’s continued mercies and opportunity to recover all that has been lost . I’m hoping to restart on many levels and get things right this time round ! 

On a whim I ordered a bag of potatoes from Jos. I still don’t even have the money to pay for the bag . Plan Is to eat some and sell off the rest if  all goes well , I’d cash in this season and hopefully make some pocket money at the least! So help me Lord once again. 

Finally somewhat resolved the issue my bathroom tiles have given me for the past four years . They’re black and absolutely difficult to clean. We also have hard water so even immediately a scrub the streak marks and soap scum remain *rolls eyes* I’m sure everyone  who’s stepped in imagines I don’t clean it ever ! Anyway I just stumbled on an idea an expanded on it I wiped it down with a towel soaked in bleach and voila...... it’s shiny black!!! I’m soooooooo elated I tell you  

Someone was sharing pictures of her kitchen gadgets on  in Instagram the other day. Made me wonder if people like the Ooni’s wife own any kitchen gadgets .  I mean I doubt if she does any cooking per se so does she own a blender she really likes and bought for eg? Or it’s the cook(s) living his or her dream and ordering for kitchen equipment he or she has always liked! 

I don mature for this jungle!!!!

I don mature for this jungle! 

Surely I am still a work in progress but I’ve certainly moved way past where I was. 

Demola’s bells rang yesterday. I was having a casual meal just nibbling on moin moin literally! I was simultaneously playing candy crush too. Next thing he’s yelling drop the phone drop the phone. For a second I thought he wanted to say something and I asked what’s up. Then he says I can’t eat and use my phone. 

So of course I asked “is it at this my forty years of age, that you want to determine what I can do or not do?’ E ma gba mi ke?!  He’s then yelling  about how so as my husband he’s too small to talk to me or tell me what to do. I then said he shouldn’t mix issues up but he certainly can’t be the one determining how and when I’d use my phone. 

What kind of ego makes some of these Nigerian men feel they can literally control another human being ie a wife?! I’m not his child or sibling why would he feel the need or urge to control me to that extent? 

That’s abuse ain’t it? It’s a battle I’ve fought endlessly. This same man at one time would turn off the tv in my room while I’m watching late at night and say to me “go to bed”. You can imagine the countless brawls that spun off from those incidents . Twelve years after it’s my use of the phone that’s his problem . And this is coming From someone who lives on his phone! Every waking second of his life he’s using the phone. It used to bother me at a time I cannot lie but I’ve grown used to it and  since adapted . 

What does he want me to fill in the gaps with if I can’t use my phone? I shouldn’t have any social interaction with him and I also shouldn’t with others? 

Anyway the bit where I was proud of myself is in the conversation thereafter! I asked him what the problem was . I have to screenshot the conversation so that in future when I’m reading this I’d further affirm to myself  really I was married to a pyscho.

I’m angry and sad and further depressed all at the same time. I’ve prayed though not as deeply as I should have. It’s a lot to deal with all at the same time. But there’s hope and light at the end of this tunnel. 

By God’s grace this too shall pass! 

We move!!!  xoxo 

Zeal

I’ve lost the zeal and will to go on!
I’m really really spent!
The issues are endless
I’m in a deep rut
Help seems so far off, I feel forsaken
I just wanna give it all up
But can I?
Will I?
Should I?

2020

I’m going to fight with everything I’ve got! I won’t give up! I will have victory!!!!

Yay!!!!

I should resurrect this page really!

This time round even though the issues haven’t changed much I want to document my steps and actions towards recovery!


I’m turning 40 next year God willing