My parents got divorced long before I turned three ( I think I may even have been younger) my dad was a very difficult person as I got to know him later on and even until his old age he remained the same. My mum while not a saint was to a large extent peaceful and loving.
She told me of a couple she knew who were keeping malice with each other while living together. The year they - the wife decided enough is enough and made peace by wishing the man happy new year and sort of calling for a truce , was the year one of them ( can’t remember who) died . After years !!! Couldn’t understand it and it seemed extreme to my simple mind then . Strangely I find myself in almost similar circumstances. A spouse of almost 20 years and we barely exchange words because there’s simply nothing to say - anymore. The home has been a literal battleground. Largely caused by my spouse who seemed to enjoy all the quarrelling over nothing . Because at the end of the day when one looks back I don’t know what we have been quarrelling about. On Sunday I offered to give him a lift to the shops and mentioned we’d go to the African food market if he didn’t mind afterwards. On the way back I realised I had to go straight to work for a short shift and wanted to go straight but wasn’t familiar with the route to my workplace from where we were! My phone wasn’t charged properly and so it went dead and I needed google maps . “Kindly” he offered to use his phone as the map/sat nav . Like I said I wasn’t familiar with the route and kept missing my exit at the roundabout! As usual he started yelling at me and asking why I didn’t charge my phone etc . That only made the tension worse and made me more agitated. I was calm and told him to switch off his phone . Turned right back towards a longer but familiar road and we got to my workplace etc.
On the drive back home I asked him if his approach after all these years is/was the best way. I told him I expected him to be a team player and more importantly a leader in this marriage and not turn every scenario into war. My phone not being charged was not the end of the world and he should have cut me some slack I had been driving for hours, was possibly tired , plus I didn’t know the route that well. Unusually he accepted his errors but still wanted to gaslight and put the blame on me. But I had passed my point across. Of course things haven’t been fixed between uS and may never will.
