My post is inspired by the fact that i had to sweat over a pot of amala for my beloved on Sunday
*sighs*
I have begun to ponder on whether a man's assertiveness on his Africanism* is directly or indirectly related to his socio-economic power or otherwise.
I will explain further!
Sometimes i see glamorous pictures of weddings with pretty brides and equally handsome grooms on bellanaija.com and the likes.Many of these weddings are also of people i like to describe as rich some noveau rich(whatever that means lol)... Anyway sometimes when i see how pepperless* these brides look i sometimes wonder and ask myself if their husbands expect them to turn amala or semo or wheat or pound yam for them.
After all it is widely believed and said that African men including their Nigerian counterparts like their spouses to sweat it out in the kitchen for them!
I was chatting with a rich* male friend of mine and somewhere in the gist, he mentioned having a cook. He didn't seem to mind that someone else was making his meals. whereas on forums like facebook and nairaland you hear the men* going on and on about how their wives must make and serve their meals and the women too go on and on about how no maid(cook) can cook or serve their husbands etc etc .... Could this be because they cannot currently afford a cook?
I find wealthier men generally more tolerant of modern ways of living in marriage e.g some can fix their meals themselves, perhaps care*(change diapers, feed with bottles etc ) for their little ones should the need arise and there is no domestic help around to do it than their counterparts with not as much economic power....
And now i'm wondering is it the level of wealth of a Nigerian/African man that makes them more accepting of all the modern ways of doing stuff?
Or is it not???????
Some food for thought!
XOXO
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9 comments:
I think exposure has something to do with it. If you have seen other ways of life (for lack of a better phrase), I think it will make you more comfortable when it comes to challenging certain norms. And of course I'm sure there are men and women who didn't grow up in homes where it was preached that a woman must toil (sometimes unnecessarily) just to prove her love. IDK, lol.
Well i'd opine that they are definitely related. The degree of influence is what i am uncertain about.
Sister, as one who often times wonders the same thing, I think we just spoiled our husbands fa. Cousin of mine married same time as me but if she is too tired they buy food. In fact I will tell my hubby am feverish and after saying sorry, five minutes later, he is asking for okele and expects me to make it and serve it too. Said cousin has never made moin moin, and if she must cook soup na draw soup o but the husband cooks the egusi and the rest. I personally loved to cook but when you add kids and everyday hassles, it has become a chore. If I had to do it all over again, I will pretend not to cook and that way, he will appreciate whatever he gets. But now he don see me finish (in my opinion). I don't think it has anything to do with money. I was the girlfriend that came to visit and went out to help him buy food stuff and pots not knowing what I was setting myself up for.
lol before marriage, my elder brother used to talk about how his wife would cook everyday blah blah that we his younger sisters are lazy LOL....fast forward to now, he is married with two kids, he has two maids (one per child then they both share household chores) + one cook + two drivers + one gateman + one laundry man + the woman who goes to the market!
Trust me, it is not as straightforward as some men put it. I once watched an interview where one big executive man married to an equally big executive woman said he had to stop his wife from spending so much time in the kitchen. He said she was wasting 'management time' cooking food, and her hours were more expensive than that, lol. So he insisted she get a cook, so she could be more effective.
It depends on the kind of 'wife'. You can't be husband to Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, and expect her to be doing all the kitchen runs at the expense of our country's financial wahala.
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@ Lady Ngo- I do agree with you, i guess a typical* wealthy man will travel around and see how "these things" are done! His adapting and accepting them are of course another matter....
@chrisyinks- I guess when one sees some things over and over somehow it does influence to an extent!
@ Mojisola- that spoiling thing na real issue oh! I recall the lengths i went in the earlier days of marriage because of course i perceived some of these things to be my role by default and now it's not exactly paying off. I mean one arrives home late and Mr who has arrived earlier doesn't even think he should warm the stew even if he cannot make eba mcheeewwww
@ beautiful- Does your brother have a twin?????? or does he want a second wife? LOL See enjoyment fa!!!
@ilola- that's what i'm talking about LOL.....But this your description of Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala's home* sha cant stop laughing here oh LMAO
I think it depends on the men,their mentality I mean.
But wealth sure does determine these things.
If I can afford it, why can't i get a maid.
@ Lara - Thanks for stopping by, i suspect men have their mentality kinda modified towards modern ways of doing things when their pockets are very heavy :D
@fluffy update na
Been stalking your blog for weeks now.
Hope you, Oga and the kids are doing alright.
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