the actual title of my post should actually be "awijare"! It's a Yoruba expression and I'm afraid I haven't been able to transliterate it to English!
The expression describes someone or people who table issues or discussions especially during conflicts with an aim to win! The intent is to box the listeners into your corner by adding sentiments like crying or exaggerated sighs and the likes but important thing or focus for the "awijareeee" is to ensure he or she appears as the victim and as such emerges the winner.
Over the past few weeks I have been in conflict as it were with a loved one. I'd have preferred if we could sit like adults and both express our feelings and find a meeting point for moving forward. Unfortunately the dialogue or rather attempt at dialogue broke down and third parties got involved.
I happened to have been dealing with someone who falls into the category I just detailed above and I've been shocked beyond my wits at the stories I've heard and tales that have literally emerged plus exaggerated scenarios all just to score cheap points!!!
It's disappointing I tell you but I guess that's the way the world is.
So today I ask in conflict resolution what should be important- scoring points and thus being the winner/victor? Irrespective of whether conflict gets resolved?!
Ensuring there's resolution despite not being crowned victor?
Have you been a "victim" of this type of scenario? What did you do? Do share!!!!
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7 comments:
My sister... I totally get you. My mother does this thing and even did it recently. She totally leaves out her role in the conflict or any important detail that will show her in a bad light and exaggerates her hurt. Me, I am tired. Cant take it anymore. It is emotional blackmail.
My sister, in Africa, there are two classes of women, the ones who do not know when to stop talking (like myself) and the ones who will win an argument with tears (ajiwares). The latter are known to be greater warriors not by might but by their manipulative skills.
When resolving an issue and I notice the person is an 'ajiware' I just go mute and cross the person off my heart & mind .... sometimes forever, sometimes for a long time until the person can sit and have a mature conversation.
Very helpful suggestions that help in the optimizing topic,Thanks for your sharing.
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