Thursday, 16 April 2020

I don mature for this jungle!!!!

I don mature for this jungle! 

Surely I am still a work in progress but I’ve certainly moved way past where I was. 

Demola’s bells rang yesterday. I was having a casual meal just nibbling on moin moin literally! I was simultaneously playing candy crush too. Next thing he’s yelling drop the phone drop the phone. For a second I thought he wanted to say something and I asked what’s up. Then he says I can’t eat and use my phone. 

So of course I asked “is it at this my forty years of age, that you want to determine what I can do or not do?’ E ma gba mi ke?!  He’s then yelling  about how so as my husband he’s too small to talk to me or tell me what to do. I then said he shouldn’t mix issues up but he certainly can’t be the one determining how and when I’d use my phone. 

What kind of ego makes some of these Nigerian men feel they can literally control another human being ie a wife?! I’m not his child or sibling why would he feel the need or urge to control me to that extent? 

That’s abuse ain’t it? It’s a battle I’ve fought endlessly. This same man at one time would turn off the tv in my room while I’m watching late at night and say to me “go to bed”. You can imagine the countless brawls that spun off from those incidents . Twelve years after it’s my use of the phone that’s his problem . And this is coming From someone who lives on his phone! Every waking second of his life he’s using the phone. It used to bother me at a time I cannot lie but I’ve grown used to it and  since adapted . 
What does he want me to fill in the gaps with if I can’t use my phone? I shouldn’t have any social interaction with him and I also shouldn’t with others? 

Anyway the bit where I was proud of myself is in the conversation thereafter! I asked him what the problem was . I have to screenshot the conversation so that in future when I’m reading this I’d further affirm to myself  really I was married to a pyscho.

I’m angry and sad and further depressed all at the same time. I’ve prayed though not as deeply as I should have. It’s a lot to deal with all at the same time. But there’s hope and light at the end of this tunnel. 

By God’s grace this too shall pass! 

We move!!!  xoxo 

Monday, 9 March 2020

Zeal

I’ve lost the zeal and will to go on!
I’m really really spent!
The issues are endless
I’m in a deep rut
Help seems so far off, I feel forsaken
I just wanna give it all up
But can I?
Will I?
Should I?

Saturday, 28 December 2019

2020

I’m going to fight with everything I’ve got! I won’t give up! I will have victory!!!!

Saturday, 23 February 2019

Yay!!!!

I should resurrect this page really!

This time round even though the issues haven’t changed much I want to document my steps and actions towards recovery!


I’m turning 40 next year God willing

Monday, 13 November 2017

picking up the pieces 1

Picking up the pieces

It may not completely make sense but I want to document this phase I passed through

Sometimes life decides to hand or deal a person a very long streak of unpleasantness!!!

This year has been one of those years "phew"

It's the fourth quarter and it's been a really long year for me! Literally at every turn and at every corner I've constantly found myself trapped, stuck and weary from issues of life as I put them!

Despite my many blessings I still find myself without a source of income and in an unhappy marriage...

This night like many nights I attempted to give it Another go and talked.

It went the way it always goes he just yakked and yakked!   Jumbled up all the issues and of course we had no conclusions... He said we would  continue but since he didn't bring it up again I just didn't bother  too! I'm so freaking worn out and tired of the mess

Monday, 8 May 2017

And the winner is........

the actual title of my post should actually be "awijare"! It's a Yoruba expression and I'm afraid I haven't been able to transliterate it to English!

The expression describes someone or people who table issues or discussions especially during conflicts with an aim to win! The intent is to box the listeners into your corner by adding sentiments like crying or exaggerated sighs and the likes but important thing or focus for the "awijareeee" is to ensure he or she appears as the victim and as such emerges the winner.

Over the past few weeks I have been in conflict as it were with a loved one. I'd have preferred if we could sit like adults and both express our feelings and find a meeting point for moving forward. Unfortunately the dialogue or rather attempt at dialogue broke down and third parties got involved.

I happened to have been dealing with someone who falls into the category I just detailed above and I've been shocked beyond my wits at the stories I've heard and tales that have literally emerged plus exaggerated scenarios all just to score cheap points!!!

It's disappointing I tell you but I guess that's the way the world is.

So today I ask in conflict resolution what should be important- scoring points and thus being the winner/victor? Irrespective of whether conflict gets resolved?!

Ensuring there's resolution despite not being crowned victor?
Have you been a "victim" of this type of scenario? What did you do? Do share!!!!


Tuesday, 21 March 2017

So caught up!!!!!

Chai its so easy* to get caught up with adulting and forget the little things that generally lift your spirit and keep you somewhat on a high!

Been so long my dearly beloved blog *kisses*

Even my smallie is now 7 months and with two teeth...

His brothers are almost my height and still driving me nuts! I never start abi?

We moved homes and settling down has been  a challenge. Just when I started to settle in mentally, we got robbed at the house and my MIL was badly hurt. it's been really tough! Her care, the finances and I've literally had to place my projections for the year on hold in the midst of all the drama!

This is asides the sleeplessness from paranoia and anxiety!

Don't even know what it feels like to have nail polish on anymore.... *sighs* this life sef!

Nevertheless I give all the glory to God! He's great

Lemme go and catch up brb

I don mature for this jungle!!!!

I don mature for this jungle!  Surely I am still a work in progress but I’ve certainly moved way past where I was.  Demola’s bells ...