Monday, 9 March 2020

Zeal

I’ve lost the zeal and will to go on!
I’m really really spent!
The issues are endless
I’m in a deep rut
Help seems so far off, I feel forsaken
I just wanna give it all up
But can I?
Will I?
Should I?

Saturday, 28 December 2019

2020

I’m going to fight with everything I’ve got! I won’t give up! I will have victory!!!!

Saturday, 23 February 2019

Yay!!!!

I should resurrect this page really!

This time round even though the issues haven’t changed much I want to document my steps and actions towards recovery!


I’m turning 40 next year God willing

Monday, 13 November 2017

picking up the pieces 1

Picking up the pieces

It may not completely make sense but I want to document this phase I passed through

Sometimes life decides to hand or deal a person a very long streak of unpleasantness!!!

This year has been one of those years "phew"

It's the fourth quarter and it's been a really long year for me! Literally at every turn and at every corner I've constantly found myself trapped, stuck and weary from issues of life as I put them!

Despite my many blessings I still find myself without a source of income and in an unhappy marriage...

This night like many nights I attempted to give it Another go and talked.

It went the way it always goes he just yakked and yakked!   Jumbled up all the issues and of course we had no conclusions... He said we would  continue but since he didn't bring it up again I just didn't bother  too! I'm so freaking worn out and tired of the mess

Monday, 8 May 2017

And the winner is........

the actual title of my post should actually be "awijare"! It's a Yoruba expression and I'm afraid I haven't been able to transliterate it to English!

The expression describes someone or people who table issues or discussions especially during conflicts with an aim to win! The intent is to box the listeners into your corner by adding sentiments like crying or exaggerated sighs and the likes but important thing or focus for the "awijareeee" is to ensure he or she appears as the victim and as such emerges the winner.

Over the past few weeks I have been in conflict as it were with a loved one. I'd have preferred if we could sit like adults and both express our feelings and find a meeting point for moving forward. Unfortunately the dialogue or rather attempt at dialogue broke down and third parties got involved.

I happened to have been dealing with someone who falls into the category I just detailed above and I've been shocked beyond my wits at the stories I've heard and tales that have literally emerged plus exaggerated scenarios all just to score cheap points!!!

It's disappointing I tell you but I guess that's the way the world is.

So today I ask in conflict resolution what should be important- scoring points and thus being the winner/victor? Irrespective of whether conflict gets resolved?!

Ensuring there's resolution despite not being crowned victor?
Have you been a "victim" of this type of scenario? What did you do? Do share!!!!


Tuesday, 21 March 2017

So caught up!!!!!

Chai its so easy* to get caught up with adulting and forget the little things that generally lift your spirit and keep you somewhat on a high!

Been so long my dearly beloved blog *kisses*

Even my smallie is now 7 months and with two teeth...

His brothers are almost my height and still driving me nuts! I never start abi?

We moved homes and settling down has been  a challenge. Just when I started to settle in mentally, we got robbed at the house and my MIL was badly hurt. it's been really tough! Her care, the finances and I've literally had to place my projections for the year on hold in the midst of all the drama!

This is asides the sleeplessness from paranoia and anxiety!

Don't even know what it feels like to have nail polish on anymore.... *sighs* this life sef!

Nevertheless I give all the glory to God! He's great

Lemme go and catch up brb

Monday, 29 August 2016

Accepting just as it is?

My sister sent me a random message today! The message was disjointed and just fueled my annoyance a bit.

It was a supposedly congratulatory message even though the word congratulations didn't feature in it! Three weeks after my little one arrived. Am i such a bad sibling?

The relationship has been strained for years i admit. I have my shortcomings but the gap has largely stemmed from her not accepting her wrong doing and insisting she didn't behave so badly. Unfortunately my other siblings haven't been so vocal on the subject. I have and i have even attempted several reconciliatory meetings. I gave up after the last one where she kept her nose in the air and still kept justifying her actions!!!!

I feel disappointed particularly in the light of the many sacrifices i made for her over the years. Again i'm sure along the way i probably had a few slip ups to. And i have apologised for as many as i have remembered.

Her husband said to me once that she feels aggrieved on some matters and i asked him how i was to make ammends if she doesn't bring it to the fore!

my older brother says that we must operate with people on thier level and be accepting of people as they are! So for eg if she insists that on the matter that caused the strain and some of her subsequent actions she is right then we should let it be and operate with her on that level.

So i ask myself, am i supposed to respond to her message and pretend it doesn't upset me????????

Really i feel soooo sooo annoyed here right now!

Again i'm likely to be told to suck it up after all her greeting me or not greeting me doesn't change the price of fish in the market!

But should this be so?????

Phew..... it's all out! Feel better somewhat

Zeal

I’ve lost the zeal and will to go on! I’m really really spent! The issues are endless I’m in a deep rut Help seems so far off, I feel forsa...