Monday, 25 February 2008

Afro says they come in threes....

Just sitting here musing over one of my most mortifying moments which occured two weeks ago



I've got this small cousin...



We're pretty "close"



She looks up to me as her older sis(she hasn't got any biological ones you see)



BACKGROUND



My then boyfriend and i were just "rabbits" we would get at it any and every where



So for both our good(s) we decide to keep a pack of rubbers at my place...



I hid it far far away, infact it was in the same envelope i kept my mints which were for spraying at every owambe i went that period.



THE 1st INCIDENT



So my other cousin is getting married and i'm running late as usual. LOL



So i grab the envelope, rubbers n all and rush off to the church



I think i manage to make the joining or something.



At some point we need to drop money in the collection bowl



so i turn to my small cousin and ask her to open my purse and get money from the envelope.

All this time i had totally forgotten the contraband in the envelope.

You can just imagine my shock when she starts pulling them out different colours-pink,yellow, black,blue,i think there was red too.

I went red, trust me my black skin went red.

Heck my siblings were sharing the pew with me plus my friends were there.

I just grabbed the envelope and ran out the church!!!!!

INCIDENT 2

During my last holiday, my bestest friend (whose name i will spare you all) gave me KY jelly and some orgasm intensifying cream which i happily took back with me to Africa...

As usual I stashed it in some bag at the far corner of my closet, ok sorry ward robe...

On this fateful day, my long time "disease" of arranging clothes decided to rear it's head.

So i emptied the ward robe even though it was well arranged anyway and started to arrange.

The next day i was still arranging and this my small cousin came to visit!!!

So she's sitting on my bed, just rifling through the clothes

When she grabs this bag...

Now my back is turned and i didn't even remember i had such goods in my stuff!!!

Sha, she pulls out the gel and cream and asks me

"Sis, wetin be this?????????"

Chai i nearly died....

I quickly stuttered the most hopeless response ever " oh that, my friend gave me to try" I thought adding "when i marry would be absolutely pathetic ROFL>>>>>>>

Now since Afrobabe says these disasters happen in threes,

I'm crossing my fingers on the third "disaster" to happen

I hope she will not actually catch me in the sack sha

Because that one- my friend na die i go just die...

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Randoms

Seems the last time i went to a wedding was aeons ago



Can't remember anyone bringing me aso ebi in the past few months



Could it be that all my friends are now ALL married?????????



This issue of giving children oyinbo names sha



Some relation of mine named her third son ROCK



I've just heard and i still can't get over it i tell you



ROCK as how?????????



Infact that was the exact question i asked the bearer of the "news".



Maybe it's better than the names of the baby's older brothers who are "Bundle of Joy" and "Champion"



Loud Hiss



I'm as bored as hell today, came out of a long meeting which further heightened my boredom



People just like to speak many oyinbo sha



One chick in the meeting just dey blow fone, dey blow fone



Another contributor come talk say "one thing dey "TENABLE"



Na im my fone speaking counterpart ask say wetin "Tenable" mean.



I was in shock i tell you. So upon all the fone she no sabi tenable ..... loud hiss

Meanwhile my tummy's in bad shape as usual...

I've been in the loo more times than at my desk today

All the little weight left after my rigorous exercise of the past few weeks go finish today at this rate LOL


My new Oga sits right next to me so i'm "condenmed" to a life of always forming busy in the office and as for closing early




Tis now a thing of the past.



Wo make i go find something do

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Live in Lagos!!!!

So there i was peeing in some loo at some random place

when i peeked at the floor

And there lay this packer quite old and obviously well used


It was "shared" at a wedding party and had some wordings or rather a sticker on it

On closer observation of this famous sticker, i almost got a heart attack

It read " Biodun weds Nkechinwe;) "

April 10th 2007

Courtesy THE LATE MRS SO AND SO!!!!

Bride's Granny

At this point i'm wondering did the "Late Mrs so and so" send people to shop for the packer from her grave or was it amongst her last wishes that packers should be shared on her behalf at the girl's wedding?????????????

Nothing that these poor eyes of mine haven't seen in this Lago sef.

Monday, 18 February 2008

Ok so Osuofia is back to her country :D

So i arrive back in Naija amidst plenty drama and vowing never to fly economy class or better still Emirates again....



Kai my journey back was most traumatic ,all sorts happened to me.



I left home quite happy that for the "first time i didn't have any excess baggage". I mean i weighed the bags by lifting them up and as far as i could lift them up it must weigh only 20kg each.... LOL



Imagine my shock when i reached the counter and the lady said my two bags were like 54kg. i almost fainted. meanwhile hand luggage sef reach 11kg.



Anyway i went and repacked the bags( i don't know why i felt that would work) held some stuff in my hands and went to send the bags in...


To cut the story short, bags were sent in at a total of like 47kg.



Next problem was now what to do with the hand luggage, sha i went to board plane oh, couldn't even do any duty free shopping because i had spent so much time, packing and repacking my bags.



I collect my boarding pass and the lady says there's a note on her computer which says i ain't allowed any hand luggage and in fact she's taking me to her supervisor....



Na joke i think she dey joke , until she grabbed my arm and marched me to supervisor...



No be small oyinbo the man speak to me oh... LOL


At the end of his speech he said i could either pay fifty pounds(which i was not ready to do) or leave the bag



So yours truly ended up in the toilet oh...


Tossed out the things i could, wore like five tops and held the rest of the stuff in my arms, this kain u needed to have seen how i looked, holding chocolates, sweater, "coat" and two glass vases etc into the plane.



I was most embarassed i tell you!!!!!!!!!!!



Painful part was the supervisor came and sneered while telling me "oh so now you've got all your clothes on"



Then i had to leave my "beloved" suitcase behind. A whole five pounds thrown down the drain...


I looked a sight getting onto that flight...


Right now i'm taking a crash course in packing luggage and looking like those correct babes that have designer suitcases(yeah afro not boxes :) and small hand luggage and look so fabulous:)

Tips anyone????????

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