Monday, 29 December 2008

CRISIS (PRONOUNCED CREASES) HOLIDAY

What a very unmerry Christmas I had
My smallie was ill, he cried the whole night before Christmas day and the whole day too. I dismissed it as colic which they say has no “cure”. Till a friend insisted I take him to hospital. Apparently it was malaria!!! And a high percentage too. Thank God I took him oh, woulda killed myself if anything had happened to him due to my negligence. I had allowed my decisions be influenced by everyone including myself that gripe water plus hot massage of his tummy would heal the colic.
He’s much better now at least not crying uncontrollably anymore.
He also drank his medicine like a good boy this morning. At first he threw it up, then I told him to keep that up and I will be forced to keep giving him over and over till he co-operates lol he gulped it like it was yoghurt.
Meanwhile the Crisis(creases) has forced us to return to exclusive breast feeding. He just refused to have any SMA gold in his mouth lol silly boy doesn’t know I resume work in another month and that SMA will so be guzzled down by him :D
Anyway I’ll see about resuming the formula by tomorrow. I’m trying to be a loving mum and indulging his “excesses” LOL
I was forced to bring out my boobies in public by the way…
At a party for that matter but we covered it with some flannel…
Never say never people
Abi?

Thursday, 27 November 2008

These parenting matters

Things have definetely taken a different shape from when our parents were nursing you know

Just the other day my friend and I were wondering who will bathe our grandchildren considering that we barely know how to bathe our own infants right now LOL

i was forced to start bathing Ayobami when he was like 2 weeks old and i'm sure he was unclean for like 2 days till i got the hang of it and even remembered i had one oyinbo contraption called a baby bather to make things easier!!!!

The advent of baby bathers has just made it worse... i imagine myself telling my daughter in law where to buy the things and reading the manuals to them LOL

As against my dear mum and mum-in-law who are around to religously wash their grandchildren and do it with such skill, plus massage and all!!!!

Then there's this singing to babies meme

I just don't see myself getting the hang of it

My mum has formed all sorts of songs in the past month but my head just goes blank when i try it and instead i blow fone to my son and tell him "Mummy's here" when he's crying.. :D

Even his father has some village songs to sing to him when he's yelling LOL

As for public breast feeding that's such a huge no no

Even though a number of my hussie's friends have "caught" me bra down, feeding and i just thought scuttling off with boobs hanging out would make the situation more dastardly so i sat my butt there quietly LOL

Of course those are the times Ayobami would clutch to me like he hasn't eaten for 2 days and refuse to end his meal :)

Kai thank God for breast pump oh because i just no fit comot that thing for church or party biko

Na wa, God help me be a good mama sha!!!

I cannot understand...

... Naija TV

Seeing as i have been confined to my residence following the birth of my young Mr...

I must say i have been immensely tortured by TV.

I mean i cannot understand how people who don't have DSTV cope!!!

Even the DSTV has become so so freaking boring but that is story for another day and when you call their call centre they have the impudence to tell you " Thank you for choosing Multi Choice" like you actually have a "choice" around here.MSCHEWWWW

The DSTV is connected to just the living room and for some reason which even i cannot yet fathom I prefer to sit in my room all day long so i am stuck with watching Naija TV if i must watch any tv!!!

Ok maybe because there's a bed i can lie on there that's why i'm always in my room :D...


I flip through all the channels and believe me ALL OF THEM show nothing but repeat broadcasts of musical shows especially Naija music videos.

Day in Day out oh!!!

Morning, noon and night sef ...

MITV occasionally punctuates with Project fame and silverbird the occasional OLD series which provides a welcome relief

I can't understand it i tell you.

The videos themselves are tortoreous(hope that spelling's correct :D). all sorts of rubbish. One of the nonsense that totally drives me mad is "fire by skuki" those punks should be arrested biko!!!

I even resorted to my usually "amusing" Nollywood films but believe me they've gone from bad to worse. They're totally unbearable now...

Please how do housewives around here entertain themselves??????

Just needed to rant biko

Monday, 17 November 2008

Inlaw matters :D

I've had my hands quite full with adjusting to caring for the baby all day and night plus lack of sleep, only 2 days back i decided to follow advise as seen on the internet and sleep when the individual is asleep. It's the best decision i coulda made for myself i tell you.

The first few days were quite ok, i had loads of people around and it was really exciting and all. unfortunately we had to return to the hospital because he had some jaundice, it was a scary period i tell you. The hospital didn't let me stay and at night i'd lie awake and be near tears wondering how he's faring and so on.it all ended well thankfully we were discharged on the day of his naming ceremony. we had a small reception at home which was fun.

Though i ended up in trouble with my mum and her friends because i refused to wear iro and buba LMAO. I couldn't be bothered jare, not like i was sitting amongst guests or anything I was in my room with my crew so hey ;)

My mum in-law was around for a few days and boy did i receive a few amusing shocks ;0
First there was the issue of massage your tummy with hot water and stuff. i didn't mind it really though i couldn't understand what the fuss was the she said to also massage my "you know what" i thought she meant was a sith bath and i explained that i had no tears etc and didn't need one. But she said i'd be farting from my vajayjay so i obliged her.

She said to put a hot towel between my legs

So i did so...

Next thing she grabbed the towel and started to massage my vajayjay by herself.....

You shoulda seen the shock on my face!!!

Even my mama no fit put hand for my kini


it wasn't funny at all i tell you

The pain/discomfort was one thing but the embarassment no in fact mortification was another!!!!!!!

I couldn't just believe my eyes honestly

The next day i was ready for her

After she bathed the baby, she faced me and went on about the "benefits" of this massage (as usual). i got out of the bath and sat for the massage, she finished that and said "oya" of course i held on tight to the towel and refused to let go LOL i wasn't going to have her stick her fingers in my vajayjay ever again biko LMAO

She said "oh let me help you do it" of course i nicely told her i'll do it myself

Loud hiss

How can she be wanting to stick her hand in my kini

what errant nonsense

Thankfully there were no other MAJOR dramas before she left, asides stuff like put thread on the baby's head when he hiccups, like that can actually stop the hiccups LOL...

Sunday, 9 November 2008

His arrival...

That morning i was dressed early for my ante natal appointment



Mr gave me a ride, we hung out for a bit in his office and he dropped me off at the hospital



it was a normal ante natal day!!!



A friend of mine was also at the hospital that day and we kept each other company till the doctors arrived. She was there to have her baby that day and i wished her the best and went in to see the doctor.



He said he wanted to examine my pelvis, most disconcerting process i tell you LOL he actually stuck his fingers INSIDE me!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway in between my yells i heard him say " madam you're in labour, you're already 3cm dilated"

So i'm like what next!!!!!!!!

My hospital bag is barely packed, baby's room n clothes etc ain't fully ready. i'm barely ready as it is!!!

Neeways i sat the whole day in the hospital reading a novel and pitying the lady next to me who was in labour. she was groaning and i really felt strong to myself considering i was making no noise at all!!!!!!! had i known what awaited me...hmmm

By the time the doctor broke my water kai the pain had started, it's a combination of menstrual cramps and back ache... Indescribable actually

After what seemed like hours to me, (but husband said it was just minutes), we were in the labour room and men that stuff is real hard labour!!!

my back wanted to break and i felt like having a real hot shit.... i just kept screaming "i wanna pupu oh" LOL

Finally we did all the "push push" and baby slipped out. i was really fortunate no tears n stuff n from what my hussie said labour was only 15mins.it felt like hours to me...

And alas we had a beautiful baby boy :D

I got a few hours sleep this afternoon hence my ability to sit on the internet, and then I had so much to blog about but it's all flown outta my head!!!

Nepa has now struck, i better get into bed and start fanning this gentleman :D

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Genesis is here!!!!!!!!!

So my "package" arrived three weeks early!!!

Still quite exhausted and trying to settle into the whole meme of being a "baby mama" and stuff ;)

I think he's cute;)...

He eats ALL the time!!!!!!

Keeps me up for most of the night, i'm suffering sleep deprivation as i type:)

Neeways i'm most grateful to God that he arrived in one piece!!!!




Thursday, 16 October 2008

BRT and other matters!!!!

So baby didn't move the whole of Monday evening and the better part of Tuesday, in panic i rushed to the hospital...

Arrived there and the "bugger" made a small move :D

Still decided to see doctor anyway and he ran some test where i was strapped with some bands and some machine was reading and printing the " ogbeni"(individual's) heart beat. I dozed off almost immediately i was "tied up"

It was when the nurse came at the end of the session that i woke up meanwhile i was supposed to have been pressing some .... thing whenever the baby moved oh. But alas yours truly was fast asleep!!! LOL

Anyway pikin is fine and happily(i hope) awaiting his eviction.

Even me sef don tire, i no see cloth wear again. i'm wearing such a large T-shirt today i feel like a sack

Got my first BRT ride that day as well.

Went to eat rice at Ghana high and instead of entering taxi to my house i decided to sample the famous BRT buses!!!

Twasn't bad at all, i got the last window seat after queueing and queueing(they didn't even have the sense to do priority for me and my belle.... loud hiss)

Baby squirmed a bit during the ride, guess he prefers to be transported in a nice ACed motor, preferably with driver driving him and his mama LOL

The bus was rather clean and i was quite impressed at the fact that Lagosians were actually not littering. Infact the lady next to me was eating groundnuts and placing the shells in a bag.

I thought i was some place else!!! i mean she wasn't tossing the shells on the floor!!!!

She however decided to bring me back to reality just before i even finished thinking all this!!!!!!

She tossed the bag of empty shells right on the floor LOL

In all it was a pleasure ride, i thought the driver drove a bit too fast though.

But in all i must commend the government of "His Excellency BRF" that just sounds so silly doesn't it!!!!!!!

It's quite a job well done

His Excellency....

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

What a day!!!

It started off pretty normal

I woke up at 5am and was at my desk my 5.50am thereabouts. I dressed up at some point in between the times :D

I listened to a message CD at my desk till i fell asleep on my chair and almost broke my neck. Woke up(again) startled.... Thank God i wasn't drooling, only the cleaner was around ;)

The day was slow, it really really dragged....

Got some shocking news my oga patapata had resigned.... Rumors have it that he was actually forced to resign. No one's job is safe apparently.

Like another 10 of my colleagues had resigned both within my unit and outside...

Kai na wa oh and your truly is stuck here till after maternity leave!!!!!!!!

God will help me in this my search for job sha.

Meanwhile i discovered yesterday that the handset i just bought from a colleague's husband is so so over priced .

As in i bought at N34,000 and street value is N20,000!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kai i feel so bad.

I called him and told him my husband has bought me one without realising i had got myself one oh

Can i return etc!!

He's not forthcoming but i no wan quarrel because me and im wife are kinda friendly.

Feel bad at being cheated by people i'm supposedly close to

I mean i dropped his wife and child at home(which was very out of my way oh) for almost a year when she didn't have a car or another means of getting home!!!!!

People just have no conscience sha...

How can he be so mean to me??????

Anyway make we dey look dey go!!!

Monday, 22 September 2008

And so the third one finally happened oh!!!

Sometime ago my dear friend afro made sorry propounded a philosopical theory that stated that disasters happen in threes....

You can catch up on that gist here



Because I am her friend i also experienced some of this my friend's theory here ....




Afro says...

As at that time i prayed and like Solomonsydelle even advised i rebuked Afro three times LOL....

So this last weekend i finally managed to get Mr in the sack.

Mr has refused to do since he nacked me belle(that just sounds crass don't it he he he?)

Anyway it's been more or less a tug of war to get him to even sleep any where near my side of the bed :D talk less of to do!!!

So we had a small quarrel and "that" seemed to be the best way to make up!!!

Now, we had some family friend's kids spending the night at ours!!!

I had personally+ by myself seen to it that they were fast asleep before getting into bed etc etc

I was trying to make them more comfortable and thus i didn't lock the door to my room(the room no kuku get lock anyway)

And so....

There was Mr and I finally "about to" get our groove on

When i heard/saw the door spring open and hear some mouse screeching "i cannot sleep or you said that you will sleep with me" or some crap that can only come out of the mouth of a five year old LMAO

I was dazed i couldn't believe it oh!!!! and kai that time it was not funny, i assure you.

Mr, of course jumped up, sprung some clothes on or more like tied the bed cloth on himself and escorted the monkey right back to bed....

we had quite a laugh after but i tell you i was quite red from embarrassment.

Thank God the lights were off!!!!

I was just reminded...

.....by LG's post on madness of some very amusing scene i witnessed a few years back :D
So there i was a new corporate executive ;)

Standing on Karimu Kotun street, waiting to buy food from some woman who had nice, hot and cheap rice+meat, dodo, beans (the works;)...

We were quite a mix- drivers, cleaners, office assistants and a few executives like myself (this was before we stepped up to munchies and the likes for breakfast oh LOL)

This guy is hovering around, and i just thought he wanted to buy his breakfast too and just carried on my banter with my colleague who was with me at the time!!!

The seller says to us all "oh please excuse me, let me sort this fellow out and get on with my business"

So she packs rice, fish, maybe plantain sef into a nylon bag and hands it to the fellow....

Apparently he's mad(i'm not sure what politically correct word to use biko). Must be some effect of hard drugs or something, because he's not as dirty looking as they usually are but you'll know he has a problem sha!!!

Then he moves off and walks right back to her shoulder and says " Aunty what of pure water?"

She was so infuriated she grabbed a broom and flung at him raining abuses on him!!!

At this point i start to laugh because if not that he's truly mad how will someone dash you free food and all you have to say is "Aunty what of pure water"

No thank you, nothing, only aunty what of pure water???????

LMAO!!!!!

Friday, 29 August 2008

My Genesis...

... will be arriving in 10 weeks ;)

I'm so excited!!!!!

It feels so far and yet so near

Not quite prepared or rather i keep feeling there's still loads to be put in place

Hope this anxiety will not drive me nuts sha

Genesis...

... is going to be my "new" beginning

My very own little me

Or should i say "our" very own little "us"

I'm curious as to the looks, hair, colour, size etc :D

Gosh i just can't wait!!!

Wish i could verbally express how i feel on my inside truly....

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Are you clean???????

How often do you:


  • take a shower - once a day, sometimes two!!!


  • brush your teeth - Once a day, except when my mouth feels stinky at night


  • floss - never


  • wash your toilet - Once a week


  • wash your tub/shower - same as above


  • dust your furniture - when i pass by it and it looks dusty :D


  • Windex the windows - never


  • let your dirty dishes sit in the sink/on the counter for more than 1 day? - 36 hours is usually my limit LOL


  • Use a washer or hand wash your dishes? we don't have option of "washer" in Naija oh so it's always my hands


  • wear the same jeans over and over? hmmmmm quite often, so that it doesn't fade from constant washing LMAO


  • wear the same bra over and over? i usually try to change them after two days!!!


  • wash your car? only when my pants start getting dirty from dragging dust on the floor of the motor and when i can't open the door because dust has caked on the handles and i can't bear to touch it i.e when even I cannot bear the filth anymore!!!


  • clean the interior of the car? when i looks like a dustbin/garage


  • cut your toenails? at my monthly pedicures


  • wash your bed linen? weekly or bi-weekly(depends on how lazy i am that period)


  • use wet toilet paper (they make those now) instead of dry toilet paper? i use baby wipes now


  • vacuum? as often as necessary, this could be once weekly or once in two weeks


  • wash your fridge? It's still new so i haven't had to give it a wash per se, i only wipe spills and stains for now :)

change sponges/dishrags? when they've chopped i change them!!!


  • put your laundry away after washing them? the laundry usually sits in the basket for a few days before i put them away


  • take your garbage outdoors? daily or at most every two days


Do you:

dump trash out your car? nope. I'm an advocate for "Let's do it right". I'd rather have the trash in my car.

leave leaves or seeds lying around on your coffee table? i'm sorry i don't have a coffee table(thankfully LOL)

collect junk mail unintentionally? well..... i am a pack rat

have bills everywhere but in one spot? uhun

have stains on your carpet? my carpets are new so thankfully no stains, but my former carpet.....
have dirty handprint marks near your doorknobs or doorways? Nope

toothpaste gels in your sink? never

toothpaste/water splash marks on your mirror above your sink? Nah

have a mop? 2 sef


How do you disinfect?

Lysol

Pine

Dettol(for the Naija people LOL)- Plenty plenty

Ammonia Bleach

other - i use hand sanitizer quite often does that count?

all of the above?

i don't


Ok, Afro i tag you and the first person that comments on this post!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

This is the thing oh!!!

You remember that thing i said people now use to bath their pikins in the abroad????????

This is it

i never see this kain thing before.



Still trying to imagine how my mother's face will become contorted (Afro that means squeezed or kinda like a frown LOL :D ) when i give her to bath her grandchild LOL



As for my mum-in-law and the granny-in-law who will be coming to visit the baby and probably bathe him/her as well, that will be a good story to tell (i pray) LOL



Even my poor husband is being quite macho about it and pretending it's not a "big deal" so i don't call him a bush man from village LOL



However i still intend to buy those local bath sets, you know those green and blue ones sold all over Lagos that have bucket, soap case, potty and bath. i think some even have foam to wash the child? abi?


Just in case....



And to save even myself from disgrace of not knowing how to use "BABY BATHER" ROFL LMAO


Monday, 11 August 2008

Really running out of titles for this thing....

So i arrived work bright and early today

Well not actually early, but early considering that i was first to arrive on my floor

...... note that this was at about 8am and we resume work at 8.30am

But then can i blame them, half if not all of my colleagues were stuck in traffic.

I left home with my coat wearing driver at 6am.

The bugger came later than i told him too with his silly pair of glasses that he has taken to wearing these days- morning, afternoon and night.

At least he spared me the trauma of seeing that coat again today.

Two Danfo drivers helped me abuse him and the glasses this morning...

I was very happy!!!! LOL

I've been very energetic today...

So much hyperness in me today

Guess i'm just thankful not to be chained to a bed like i was last week.

Drugs and jabs just ain't my thing. I was popping like 10 tabs or more daily. Maybe it was better than having my poor wrists mutilated by those drips they give people.

A friend of mine wonders why the liquid can't be poured into a cup and served to patients at intervals. Abi???????

Some individual made the headline over the weekend and this morning sef. He actually dashed a "Sorcerer" N510million to do some juju for him. what an absolutely stupid thing to do.....

I didn't even realise juju business was so lucrative around here!!!! LOL

Got some baby stuff yesterday.... I was quite excited and barely slept all night dreaming about them, infact i also made a startling discovery about how people bath their children these days....

I will unfold this new wonder in the land of oyinbo people tomorrow(i pray) LOL

Be back soon i've gabbed enough for one morning!!

Monday, 4 August 2008

...............

No title for this post jare...

I'm still quite traumatised from sitting in traffic since 10minutes past six am that i left my house!!! Thankfully i wasn't driving but meeehhn even the sitting wasn't fun. I mean not even my driver's "coat" amused me like it did last week.

Don't know why the bugger wears a coat(actually it's a jacket as in suit jacket :D ) anyway, then he wears some silly body/muscle top and layers it with a chain. Does he think he's LL cool J or what?

Forgot to add that he wears white shoes as well LOL

This weekend was quite good. Managed to have my hubby indoors for most of it, save a brief trip to Ibadan so i had to sleep at my mum's. Which was ok, except that i had to watch my dog( yeah i left him at hers) eat paper!!!!!

I gave him suya and rice which he gulped up and next thing i saw he was chewing all the newspapers...

Still quite traumatised by that i tell you LOL

Hoping this week would be interesting and stress free. No health issues and stuff. Still recovering from the SEVEN drips i had two weeks back, my arm still hurts from the jab i took last week too!!

I dreamt that i had a baby girl and my husband took her to work!!!

Hmmm, one just keeps having weird dreams plus itchy boobs plus bump in the front all to have this pikin(s) sha...

Make i go drink Milo.....

I'm having such a slow morning though the clock seems to be moving fast sha

Monday, 14 July 2008

Random ish....

i resumed back at work today...



I'm so NOT excited to be here!!!



Wish i could go back to my lazing around all day and then running helter skelter at 6pm to make dinner for "you know who"

Gosh, I am so NOT an organised woman LOL


It was 20 days of bliss, just living the life doing absolutely NOTHING ;)

So .....





I went off and got married!!!!!!



Still quite excited about the whole deal.



It's not quite the bed of roses we all dream up in our heads, but not that bad either



I live just a stone's throw from my home... ooops sorry former home so i don't feel totally yanked off my "regular" life.

I miss my doggie to pieces though :( I couldn't take him along, Mr. isn't a big fan of dogs, besides our landlord says NO PETS- chickens, goats, dogs etc, but he can have political meetings in the compound like 5 times in one week, including Sunday mornings!!!! Loud hiss. (Ask me if na me get the house oh?)

My room's still the usual mess and husband is threatening to pack out to another room LOL

My mum still does all the food shopping- meat, pepper, fish etc so i don't have to really do market runs. I find markets in Lagos so traumatising. All that pricing and haggling for deals just drives me mad. And you can't just pay whatever price they say, because according to Yoruba people "it is not kingsway market" LOL

So far so good sha, i'm still on a "high"

The cooking every five hours is quite tasking though!!! I mean i was used to being served, now i have to do the serving plus put the food on tray sef. Thankfully he carries his plate to the kitchen sha (trust me that's a big job for many men to do) ;)

This week i successfully cooked ogbono soup and hussie said it was fantastic(common Afro wipe that silly grin off your face). The soup started out a disaster i must admit, it looked like banga soup at first and i had to toss out the whole pot and start afresh :D Next i'm gonna try WHITE SOUP!!!!

Quite thankful to God for bringing me this far. I believe and hope in Him to see me through it all.

My back really hurts gotta go now

Apparently this is my 100th post!!!!!!!!!

Cheers to me, myself and I.

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Hey.....

.....missed you plenty plenty

So much to tell you!!!

I'll tell you as much as i can tonight before i return computer(na borrow i borrow am)

No worry before 2008 me sef go buy laptop and internet keep for house ;)

If you see as i position myself,just so oga will not wakeup and ask me what i am doing LOL

Anyway i really missed you...

lemme go and sniff what i've missed since all these days

Friday, 6 June 2008

Hmmmmm.....

I'm gonna be somebody's mama...

Reality is actually setting in

Got some little bulge now

Everyone's asking questions

I'm sleepy most afternoons and i pee every five minutes

Got a dark line across my tummy

My colleague asked me to give her water today, no problem in that yeah?

Just that she wanted it in an empty skittles container!

She's +++++++

Is that gonna happen to me too?

Am i gonna want to keep my feet in a dustbin all day long?????

The smell of food is mostly unappealing to me...

Sometimes i feel so much is expected of me

Like i'm supposed to be different

I still feel the same, though my tops don't quite fit anymore.

Change.

Change..

Change...


N.B- That was supposed to be some poetic/philosophical ending by the way!!!!!!! LOL

Na Nikky tag me oh!!!

Ok so in a bit to calm down from my very "traumatic" ;) week, i'm doing this tag thing....

Better late than never eh :)


Thought up my six quirks like two nights back but right now i can only think up like two, anyway we'll see how this goes



Y'all know the rules or rather how the game goes....




1. I've never cried because someone died before. I'll be sad and all oh but the tears just don't come out.




2. I can eat rice, morning, afternoon and night.... White rice and stew sha oh




3. I'm a germaphobe. I will wash my hands over and over again. I don't like guys shaking my hands because i feel they never wash hands after peeing and grappling their "you know whats"




4. I cannot iron to save my own life sef. I just cannot get it right. Even if i spend an hour on one item i can assure you it will still come out rumpled LOL


5. Brain has now frozen....


Been trying to put this up for over a month, i better just quietly post it today, before i find myself completing the tag in December 2009 LOL

Awwwwww

My friend just wrote a poem...

It reminded me of the only poem i've ever received in my entire life...

Kept the yellow paper for ages after...

It touched me each time i read it,


Looking back now,


Puppy love is absolutely idiotic LOL

Heck i even still know the wordings even after 12 years!!!!!!!!!!

"Every day of the week

Your face i persistently seek

Throughout the night

Nothing goes through my mind but your sight

These few words i find hard to say

But i thought to let you know today

That i think of you

Much more than you can imagine is true"

Wonder where the big head is sef...

Probably using the same lyrics on some.....

Loud hiss

Monday, 2 June 2008

Got robbed.....

..... by my "washerman" LOL

So i got a new wash boy after my original washman threatened to quit on me. Refer to My washman

Anyway, this new wash boy doubles as a "Man Friday" for the whole house and does loads of odd jobs and stuffs...

And he has washed my clothes steadily for like 3 months now.

Next thing i notice my TM is missing and i just assume my sister has "stolen" it or something. My two favourite pairs of jeans also get missing!!!!

I harass the whole house all to no avail.

Only for me to call this my man friday to do some odd job for me and there are my jeans hanging on his butt!!!!

I pretended they weren't mine but noticed he was fidgeting when i said "oh by the way i can't find my jeans.have you seen them?"

Anyway the bugger walked right into my hands yesterday wearing the shirt!!! I almost slapped him, you shoulda seen what my poor shirt had become....

Loud hiss

Gave him a long lecture and told him to go and bring the shirtl. I will rather give my dog to play with than have him ever wear it again

Thief thief boy...

Imagine you can't even trust your own "staff" again






Thursday, 15 May 2008

See me see trouble in this abuja oh

That's how i sat quietly in my hotel room today, sober and thinking of where and how to find money oh...

when hunger started to wire me, so i call room service and ask what's available for lunch...

She reels off all sorts and i just simply say please can i have white rice and egusi with goat meat?

Then she says "ah that would be vegetable rice and egusi" i say nope just "white rice and egusi".

she insists that the white rice would just be garnished with a few vegetables and i'd like it so i say ok then.

next she says how about the starter? we have goat pepper soup and cream of mushroom or onion(can't remember right now) soup.

At this juncture me i ask how much is lunch? and she says N1800 one thousand eight hundred naira only

so i say ok bring the pepper soup then, i can afford N1800 abi?

Then the lady again says i will GIVE you a small bottle of water, and fruit slices as well as ice cream, which flavour do you want? as well.

Yours truly now....

Says ah no problem. i'll be waiting

only for food to arrive half an hour later and i see bill of N3850 Three thousand eight hundred and fifty naira tori Olorun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My eyes nearly popped out. Apparently plus pepper soup, plus ice cream plus fruit slices everything na extra money.

Promptly told the waiter to take it back oh..

And he tells me oh it's not possible etc

i sha sign the bill and sit down to think of the next thing to do.

In the interim i open the food and believe me na fried rice these people give me to chop egusi soup with bitter leaf!!!

You can just imagine the kind of lunch i am swallowing right now!!!!!

Bitter sweet i tell you....

Last night too, i went to buy suya and i tell the guy "please put plenty onions" and the gentleman goes ahead to slice TWO bulbs of onions into my N500 suya.

You can just imagine what i had for dinner, onions with a few pieces of meat...

I'm just about ready to head back to my country of Lagos biko!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, 9 May 2008

Thank God the week's ended

It's been such a dreary week....


..... never been so happy to see a Friday.


So many issues since monday

Car matters
Issues at work
Sibling issues
Too many bits and pieces hanging loose


Off to Abuja on Sunday for a week

Work!!!

But at least i'd not be in this stress hole for a while

Quite relieved i tell you....

Have a sweet weekend **muah**

Friday, 25 April 2008

This post....

..... is dedicated

to my friend

who came all the way from "America (that's what she thinks Abuja/Benue state is actually;) " to my house in Lagos just to pound yam for my introduction(family meet and greet) which was last Saturday....


My American friend is so Amercianized she has been quite traumatised by all the traffic in Lagos, as well as dust and according to her "filth" on the streets of Lagos LOL


Anyway sweetie pie i love you so so much and you are my bestest friend in Africa;)


This is what my Americana friend looks like:



My friend is the girl in the picture ;)

Monday, 14 April 2008

Yesterday again....

.... i ran into him

It had been so so long

Almost didn't recognise him

He looked well, added some flesh to his skinny ass


I met him at some wedding

he was the best man and i fell in "love" almost immediately

Slept in his arms that night , we didn't get down or anything we just gisted till we fell asleep

The friendship continued

I went to see him in abuja, it was a fun week

Almost got ruined though

He discovered i had a boyfriend....

My plan was to leave said boyfriend for him

Some chick came to see him when i to spend the night with friends and left her skirt so i'd know she'd been there ;) LOL

Got back and he tells me about said chick but says they ain't dating because she's

..... too perfect

Anyway he moves back to Lagos and we continue seeing each other

we gisted for hours on the phone, looking back now i did most of the calling

I didn't mind really, i had abundant airtime :)

we took weekend trips out of Lagos often

Twas so much fun...

Attended his sister's wedding and someone asked if i was "the one" he quickly responds "Ah no ma, she's my aburo(little sister) "

Handwriting on the wall yeah?

Fluffy was too much in love to read meaning into all that

We came back from one of our fabulous outta town trips, he drops me off and heads off to his place

then ....

.... he calls me to ask if i know Ada who lives in London + a few other details

of course i know Ada she's my pal

It's her birthday today you know

My gosh i had forgotten my pal's birthday cause i was busy following man...

I wonder how he knows Ada but at that time i needed to call ada and wish her a happy birthday!!!

Ada arrives Naija a few days later

We're gisting and convo moves to her cousin Chinwe's boyfriend....

He's so this, he's so that... he works here and drives this car and lives here

Come oh, he fits into description of my lover boy!!!

Days later my pal deciphers that I and her cousin are shagging same boy...

Cousin i guess feels she's the real deal and keeps sending me messages like

"oh he says you're just his friends sister" "oh he says you guys ain't dating" "oh he says I'm going to be the mother of his child" etc etc

i decide to take a step back and just observe ....

Boy, of course is at this point out of reach....

when i've had enough of all the crap

I pay boy a visit and he says to me(summary)

"well there was no definition to our thing and bla bla bla..."

In shock i went back home and cried till i could cry no more

At some point in the midst of all this drama i discover some "i love you" type cards in his room and receive an ephiphany...


Alas

There's some third chick in the picture as well ...

Anyway Didn't see or hear from him for aeons after

Many months later he called to offer me a puppy, i was going to accept it but the doggie fell sick

so end of discussion....

He starts to call me and somehow we revisit the past, he's kinda sorry for what happened.

didn't mean to hurt me but he found himself in the triangle and decided to cut us all off so we could sort ourselves out!!!!

This kain na we the three chicks cause all the triangular mess

Hmmmm....

You can now imagine my shock when yesterday after we exchange pleasantries

He says "oh come and say hello to my iyawo"

and we walk to car and see KESI

The third chick in the triangle.....

Life and the shit it just dishes your way sometimes.....





Yesterday....

... i suffered

and i suffered some more

we forgot to load our Prepaid card for Nepa and as such everyone else had light

All day and all night for that matter

while we sat in absolute darkness

Mum said generator noise was too much for her so we sat in the gloom and envied all our neighbours watching Africa magic and the likes

barely slept all night, twas so so hawt...

I'm half asleep as it is!!!

God help me today...

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

What do you do....

.... when your maid insinuates, or rather says that your husband tried to molest her?

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Randoms

Just finished rushing one bowl of hot amala... :) LOL

Didn't realise i was so hungry

wolfed it down faster than my doggie would have :D

Meeting my prospective in-laws tomorrow

I'm as nervous as hell

wish me luck peeps

Monday, 17 March 2008

Mondays!!!!

I "like" Mondays....

The minutes or rather the hours just always seem to fly past

See now it's almost 11'0' clock and one meaningful work i have not done today :D

Anyway my weekend was fun, spent most of it sleeping.

Which was great...

Didn't exercise though ;) woke up late LOL

The drama i encountered getting to work today wasn't funny at all, left home about 6.17am still didn't arrive at work until almost 8'0' clock. Thankfully my brother did most of the driving :O

The horrors of Lagos roads!!!!

One woman at the bus stop when he got off asked for a lift, i "lied" that i wasn't going her way.

Felt quite bad but you see, this Lagos is so unsafe, we can't just be carrying people we don't know abi?

She had a baby and like "3 loads" by her side.

My car is a "darling get down let uncle enter" type of car(2 door hatchback ) so i couldn't imagine having to first packing all her load to the backseat then hopping in.

God have mercy on us all.

The next sin i committed this morning was snooping through my ex's e-mail. why i did it i don't know. Just curious to find out what he was up to i guess

Is it bad to do that sef?

anyway i repent from all my evil ways LOL :D

My vaccum cleaner has just been delivered.

Nna bia

Monday, 10 March 2008

Never buy cheap bags

I'm seething with rage here...

Supposedly got a good deal on some handbags last week...

They looked quite nice and cost N3000 each. (What a deal LOL)

Quickly i jumped at two black ones!!!

Carried one throughout last week, noticed that the zip wasn't closing too well after like two days

But i figured i had too many stuff in it.

Yesterday when i had barely anything in it, the zip still gave way...

Decided to swap it, for the "other bigger" one this morning...

While strolling into the office, in my new patent shoes, new black trousers and new black bag ;)

I felt a tug and thought .... "hmmm what now?...."

Alas the strap of the stupid N3000 bag don cut!!!!!!!!

Arghhhhh

I'm done with cheap bags, don't know what i was thinking in the first place!!!!

Monday, 25 February 2008

Afro says they come in threes....

Just sitting here musing over one of my most mortifying moments which occured two weeks ago



I've got this small cousin...



We're pretty "close"



She looks up to me as her older sis(she hasn't got any biological ones you see)



BACKGROUND



My then boyfriend and i were just "rabbits" we would get at it any and every where



So for both our good(s) we decide to keep a pack of rubbers at my place...



I hid it far far away, infact it was in the same envelope i kept my mints which were for spraying at every owambe i went that period.



THE 1st INCIDENT



So my other cousin is getting married and i'm running late as usual. LOL



So i grab the envelope, rubbers n all and rush off to the church



I think i manage to make the joining or something.



At some point we need to drop money in the collection bowl



so i turn to my small cousin and ask her to open my purse and get money from the envelope.

All this time i had totally forgotten the contraband in the envelope.

You can just imagine my shock when she starts pulling them out different colours-pink,yellow, black,blue,i think there was red too.

I went red, trust me my black skin went red.

Heck my siblings were sharing the pew with me plus my friends were there.

I just grabbed the envelope and ran out the church!!!!!

INCIDENT 2

During my last holiday, my bestest friend (whose name i will spare you all) gave me KY jelly and some orgasm intensifying cream which i happily took back with me to Africa...

As usual I stashed it in some bag at the far corner of my closet, ok sorry ward robe...

On this fateful day, my long time "disease" of arranging clothes decided to rear it's head.

So i emptied the ward robe even though it was well arranged anyway and started to arrange.

The next day i was still arranging and this my small cousin came to visit!!!

So she's sitting on my bed, just rifling through the clothes

When she grabs this bag...

Now my back is turned and i didn't even remember i had such goods in my stuff!!!

Sha, she pulls out the gel and cream and asks me

"Sis, wetin be this?????????"

Chai i nearly died....

I quickly stuttered the most hopeless response ever " oh that, my friend gave me to try" I thought adding "when i marry would be absolutely pathetic ROFL>>>>>>>

Now since Afrobabe says these disasters happen in threes,

I'm crossing my fingers on the third "disaster" to happen

I hope she will not actually catch me in the sack sha

Because that one- my friend na die i go just die...

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Randoms

Seems the last time i went to a wedding was aeons ago



Can't remember anyone bringing me aso ebi in the past few months



Could it be that all my friends are now ALL married?????????



This issue of giving children oyinbo names sha



Some relation of mine named her third son ROCK



I've just heard and i still can't get over it i tell you



ROCK as how?????????



Infact that was the exact question i asked the bearer of the "news".



Maybe it's better than the names of the baby's older brothers who are "Bundle of Joy" and "Champion"



Loud Hiss



I'm as bored as hell today, came out of a long meeting which further heightened my boredom



People just like to speak many oyinbo sha



One chick in the meeting just dey blow fone, dey blow fone



Another contributor come talk say "one thing dey "TENABLE"



Na im my fone speaking counterpart ask say wetin "Tenable" mean.



I was in shock i tell you. So upon all the fone she no sabi tenable ..... loud hiss

Meanwhile my tummy's in bad shape as usual...

I've been in the loo more times than at my desk today

All the little weight left after my rigorous exercise of the past few weeks go finish today at this rate LOL


My new Oga sits right next to me so i'm "condenmed" to a life of always forming busy in the office and as for closing early




Tis now a thing of the past.



Wo make i go find something do

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Live in Lagos!!!!

So there i was peeing in some loo at some random place

when i peeked at the floor

And there lay this packer quite old and obviously well used


It was "shared" at a wedding party and had some wordings or rather a sticker on it

On closer observation of this famous sticker, i almost got a heart attack

It read " Biodun weds Nkechinwe;) "

April 10th 2007

Courtesy THE LATE MRS SO AND SO!!!!

Bride's Granny

At this point i'm wondering did the "Late Mrs so and so" send people to shop for the packer from her grave or was it amongst her last wishes that packers should be shared on her behalf at the girl's wedding?????????????

Nothing that these poor eyes of mine haven't seen in this Lago sef.

Monday, 18 February 2008

Ok so Osuofia is back to her country :D

So i arrive back in Naija amidst plenty drama and vowing never to fly economy class or better still Emirates again....



Kai my journey back was most traumatic ,all sorts happened to me.



I left home quite happy that for the "first time i didn't have any excess baggage". I mean i weighed the bags by lifting them up and as far as i could lift them up it must weigh only 20kg each.... LOL



Imagine my shock when i reached the counter and the lady said my two bags were like 54kg. i almost fainted. meanwhile hand luggage sef reach 11kg.



Anyway i went and repacked the bags( i don't know why i felt that would work) held some stuff in my hands and went to send the bags in...


To cut the story short, bags were sent in at a total of like 47kg.



Next problem was now what to do with the hand luggage, sha i went to board plane oh, couldn't even do any duty free shopping because i had spent so much time, packing and repacking my bags.



I collect my boarding pass and the lady says there's a note on her computer which says i ain't allowed any hand luggage and in fact she's taking me to her supervisor....



Na joke i think she dey joke , until she grabbed my arm and marched me to supervisor...



No be small oyinbo the man speak to me oh... LOL


At the end of his speech he said i could either pay fifty pounds(which i was not ready to do) or leave the bag



So yours truly ended up in the toilet oh...


Tossed out the things i could, wore like five tops and held the rest of the stuff in my arms, this kain u needed to have seen how i looked, holding chocolates, sweater, "coat" and two glass vases etc into the plane.



I was most embarassed i tell you!!!!!!!!!!!



Painful part was the supervisor came and sneered while telling me "oh so now you've got all your clothes on"



Then i had to leave my "beloved" suitcase behind. A whole five pounds thrown down the drain...


I looked a sight getting onto that flight...


Right now i'm taking a crash course in packing luggage and looking like those correct babes that have designer suitcases(yeah afro not boxes :) and small hand luggage and look so fabulous:)

Tips anyone????????

Wednesday, 30 January 2008

This abroad life sha....

As i'm wont to do most times, i observe my surroundings with astute intrigue and a bit of mischief....

I see all sorts and i never cease to be amazed

It's the reason why today as i stepped onto a Zebra crossing i marvelled at oyinbo people once again...

I mean they didn't even need a police man to tell them to stop for me to cross when they did

In my dear Naija, many a pedestrian would have been confined to a wheel chair or maybe even dead when "wicked" and sometimes even stupid Naija motorists would refuse to pause so people can cross!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as i tried to get off the ferry later on, i saw that even oyinbo get some stupid peculiarities too!!! i cannot understand why they all scramble for the door of the ship before the thing comes to a halt.

Today na only me siddon oh, so tey i come begin wonder whether we don reach our destination. of course in my bid to "join the crowd" na so i nearly nack teeth for ground :D LOL

I have shed so much weight since i got here, na so so to dey waka we just dey for this place. I mean no okadas or cabs to call. And times without number my silly friend (who happily is in Naija now ;) makes me run after buses and trains....

All that compulsory exercise it's amazing how anyone in this town has fat on their body i tell you....

Getting lost is another favourite of mine.

Every trip i make to "the abroad" comprises of at least five incidents of getting lost.

The last time it happened, i entered lift from one place to another, rigmarouled for over 2 hours, couldn't reach my friend on phone!!!!

Thankfully gbomogbomo no dey here, i for don be their victim (God forbid)

My random musings for the day

"Cheers mate "

Monday, 28 January 2008

Those who have heads....

..... do not have caps and those who have caps do not have heads!!!!
......Yoruba Proverb



So my very good friend rings me a few days ago to report his wife for the upteenth time...

Story is this, they've been married almost a year and he's totally smitten by her. She seems in love too or so it seemed.

Anyway she gets an opportunity to go off to Czechoslovakia to study and work, some HSMP type arrangement and he encourages her to go. The deal they had is if in a year things aren't as planned she returns and they live happily ever after.

Simple enough yeah?

Now after months and months of paying school fees over and over he finally gets her to explain this "Masters" degree she's acquiring from the abroad. Turns out she's only in " Pre-degree" apparently our Bscs and B.As from Africa don't amount to much in Europe and she has to not only start under grad again but she even has to do Pre-degree(equivalent of remedial in Naija). This is a degree holder oh.

Anyway boy says he's not doing again, make she dey come back even though the one year agreement never reach.

Na so babe vex oh, say she no fit come back to Nigeria and that stupid Nepa!!!

At this point, he reported to me (i'm a marriage counsellor of sorts- Afro common close ya mouth LOL).... So i say the normal be patient etc that is expected of me....

She reports to her folks who have the impudence to tell the boy that he shouldn't have allowed the chick go if he was going to change his mind etc and that it's only a few years he should let her finish.

At this point no one is thinking of the fact that one Lagos desperado chick can move in with the guy and enjoy the 'darkness' caused by nepa with him oh....

or worse still they can fall out of love with each other

which is happening right now anyway

They hardly talk and when they do it's just the obligatory "how're u?" etc

So i decide to wade in

and make an international call to the Czech republic....

Conversation was quite as i expected, girl says " ehn she will come home now, sebi the boy has said she should come...
Sha i'm trying to make her see reason as per isn't the marriage important to her bla bla bla

Then she says the most important thing to her is the future of her kids and she wants to give them the best...

So i say " but that's possible in Naija now"

and she kills me by saying that " Naija with bad roads and no light"

At this point i'm almost dropping phone!!!

can you imagine...

She has forgotten that she cannot give any children good future in Czechoslovakia if she no get husband.

I mean what kind of thinking is that???????????

You no wan come meet your husband because of bad roads and Nepa

Orisirisi i tell you

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Here we go again.....

I like this one....

Seems weird

Not even sure why

Just following my heart....

And just happy going with the flow

No apparent flaws for now, it's been six weeks and i'm still on a high

Keeping my fingers strongly crossed on this one

Wish me luck peeps ;)

Friday, 18 January 2008

Still fuming here

This yeye blog sef....

I'm on vacation and i've been away from my blog and finally i got the opportunity to come back on and sat down and typed and typed and typed only for the stupid thing to all just disappear....

I'm so ticked off!!!

And to think i had missed the yeye blog....

Loud hiss....

Let me sha go and try and remember all i had written before....

Ever....

...... typed a really long and nice post,

then hit publish and the whole thing disappears???????????????????


Loud hiss

Wednesday, 2 January 2008

One of my many random thoughts

Should we close our eyes when kissing?

And why?

Does it make it more romantic or that's how they do in the movies and thus the way it should be?


Just wondering.....

I keep my eyes wide open while kissing by the way ;)


(This is the height of joblessness and so early in the year too, when everyone is busy being philosophical about the new year and stuff huh!!!!!!!!!! LOL



Sights and sounds from.....

...... Benue










where they have "AUTOPEDIC" clinics and their salons offer "MEDICURE and PEDICURE"



I had a good vacation, went touring Nigeria;)

picking up the pieces 1

Picking up the pieces It may not completely make sense but I want to document this phase I passed through Sometimes life decides to hand...