Thursday, 10 April 2014

Personal or not???????

I'm quite an amiable fellow. Mostly agreeable to people and a ,firm believer in and of good friendships.

As expected I've gotten burnt a couple of times and while i do try, i cannot authoritatively say I've been 100% to all my friends. Surely i too have some shortcomings. 

However i do find myself wondering at some occurrences that seem to repeat themselves around me all in the name of this friendship. 

I hope this my intro is apt sef. 

A really good pal of mine has a habit of never mentioning her trips to me. I find it absurd. Especially when we could have been chatting up to an hour before the said trip(s). It makes me wonder, do people really prefer such information to be private? Are my expectations unreasonable? 

My sister's husband did it a couple of times and my dear sister said "oh well, they prefer their family issues private". The 1st time it happened they came to ask my mum to baby sit because my sister was away, next thing hubby too carries bag that he 'suddenly' has to go to SA. And i'm like why all the secrecy?. They even had the nerve to tell my mum that he only just got a visa, like he got the thing in the morning and wanted to travel that same night.... mcheeewwww. His second trip he called to say goodbye from the airport. Another trip he didn't even mention but returned with T-shirts for family members. 

My brother says he's allowed to do that, he is after all not a direct relative in the true sense of it. 

Back to my friend. 

She was relocating to another town and she only just told me after it had been done. I felt bad. Months after when i took her up on it, she said all the circumstances surrounding the move were embarrassing and it was a difficult time for her so she didn't/couldn't share. i disagreed. At the time i knew she wanted to take a trip and was even involved in sourcing funds!!!! then she got some cash moved and didn't even have the decency to bring it up! i thought she was coming for a holiday and didn't realize it was a relocation!!!!

Again it has happened. She was out of town for a bit, and we were in touch throughout. Even up until yesterday evening. Imagine my shock when a mutual friend just rang me to say oh did i know she was back in town this morning?

Called another random friend of mine, who said i'd buzz you later, i'm boarding a plane to the UK. Even though i felt quite slighted i still haven't discussed it till date. 

I'm quite annoyed and wondering what all the secrecy in this type of info is. Am i being too nosy here?


Abiola said...

I don't think that's being 'nosy'. Friends are supposed to be...friends, confidants, pals, buddies, sisters, etc.

I wouldn't feel good about such too and I suggest you discuss how you feel with them.

Personally, I see no big deal in informing friends about impending moves or journeys except one is scared they could 'bring down the plane' or 'fly' ahead to truncate the objective of the journey. You know how some people think especially if they have had one or two unpleasant issues in the past.

(I appreciate your earlier visit to my blog..*hugs*)

New Dawn said...

The un-pleasant stories people hear everyday, has put fear in some.
Don't let it bother you much since you have come to know that is their behaviour.
And no, you are not nosy, but some might mis-interpret your concerns as such.
Like Abiola suggested,let your sister and friend knows how you feel.

Fluffycutething said...

Abiola- I can assure you i have no ability to bring down any planes LOL

The annoying thing was that yesterday my friend now sent me a text that she's trying to arrange her return for today. I kuku said 'that's ok' Abi?

New Dawn- Fear? Of people who have become like blood? You need to know the details of my life that these people have!!! I have expressed it subtly to them both and won't bother anymore

New Dawn said...

You have a open mind like a book which is a good trait but not appreciated in this present society. I am just like you in this manner...anybody close to me knows all about me... but I learnt the hard and bitter way... hence, I began learning to be closing the pages one by still on it.
Please don't be bothered again. If you see them good, if you don't see them, still good.
I have learnt that when you have an indifference attitude towards people, they would want to get closer to you.
Take care and have a lovely weekend:)

New Dawn said...

*an open*

sykik said...

Let me not burst your bubble but maybe some feel that if they tell you they are traveling, you might give them a long list of things to buy for them....some people just want to use their baggage allowance for their shopping only. Also , maybe they don't see you as close friends.....because it must be really strange for people who know so much about you to intentionally treat you like an acquaintance .

Abeg, my 2 kobo, treat them the way they want to be treated.....arms length relationship....

HoneyDame said...

See ehn....this thing is not something one can give an explanation for. I suggest you make some chnages with the information you share too. Apparently, they are friends like family to you, but are u a friend like family to them?
Also, some of these things are just simply complicated....seriously.
You have told them. If they wont change, then you need to re-orient yourself too... Doh

Fluffycutething said...

New Dawn- You're quite right and these thoughts you have shared on being indifferent is the exact conclusion i came to over the weekend. So far so good!

Sykik- One thing i pride myself in, is in not being an 'asking asking' person! I'm so paranoid about being shunned that i avoid it. Where i to ask it'll be for random n somewhat inconsequential stuff like pyjamas from primark, or petticoat. And if you don't buy for me or say no i honestly am never bothered. Meanwhile i give my arm and leg for these set of people oh! You can imagine that the very person hiding date of return from me, buzzed me to ask for loan of my jewelery just this morning. But i am the witch that will catch the bus or plane abi?

HoneyDame- Your comment is in line with the epiphany i had while musing over the matter this weekend. All is well, na to reevaluate and re-position!

'Lara said...

It is better you let them know how you feel but still I don't think that will change their mind...some people are just too private and would rather not share sure things.

Phunkie O said...

Dude! People are currrraaazzzyyyy (not just crazy oh!). I've been there but I thank God for peace.

1. Don't take anything personally - you will be much more peaceful.

2. How people act towards you is more often than not a reflection on them rather than on you.

3. To an extent, extend the same hand they deal you. My friends who have done similar to me, I step back from a bit and also keep my business to myself. If we are playing "don't ask don't tell", then that's what we are doing noni!

People are funny, don't let your feelings be hurt anyhow!

Rhapsody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhapsody said...

in a word....
Manage your expectations. Realize that just as you have a right to share or not share your life details they to have that right, do not take it personally.

On the other hand its important that you set boundaries with any and all relationships. No its not ok to suddenly dump your child and fly off to parts unknown with the expectation that I will take care of your child for that extended period. Hells to the NO! This is about value, consideration and inconsideration.

Value: it's important that you know your worth and you up hold that by what you you do, don't do and how you live/express yourself. If you are not careful people will tell you what you are worth based on how they see you and you in turn will confirm or deny based on what you accept and don't accept.

Consideration: You have a life, and that is a priority that must be considered at all times by you and those you interact/share your life with. You have things going on hence you must be consulted at all times/asked for your consent about anything that will interrupt and interfere with your life for any period of time.

Allow people to be who they are, whatever that is and pay attention. You have to determine what your boundaries are, what you will put up with, what you won't, what's acceptable and what is not.

Each person has a right to govern their life as they see fit irregardless of how you feel about it or how it seats you. How you feel about it is your issue not theirs.

Frankly speaking, you simply have to determine what you will put up with and what you will not. Do NOT put too much energy into getting upset, feeling hurt and devaluing yourself.

Its very important that you do not let someone else's decision about how they run their life determine your worth and value as a human being and how you feel about yourself.

Someone not telling/sharing with you certain aspect of their lives with you is not a reflection of your worthiness or non-worthiness rather an exercise of their choice.


Mojisola said...

I agree with sykik cos I used to be a "teller" but all people do is
a) have a whole lot of stuff they want to send to someone. one item is no biggie but by the tie everyone brings their stuff, other people kaya don reach one suitcase.
b) have a long list of things they want to buy and do not care how you want to bring it back.
c) even for myself I dey price shop but when people know you are travelling they suddenly want iphone. I wan theif am?

Then, there is the paranoid few which confuse me even more. personally, if someone thinks I will "wirelessly" jeopardize their plans or trip, I would not want to know anyways.

Fluffycutething said...

@Moji hope you won't be disappointed to hear the trip is within naija o. So what could I possibly be asking for? Besides not to brag but I do more of the giving in this relationship

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