Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Breather part 2

so far so good with this staying at home meme. I've spent a lot of the time musing about the past though and I am filled with many regrets at the wasted time and lost opportunities because I just have not been settled enough to enjoy or even live life as if were.
been so so consumed by my challenges at work and at home. Sad part is the effect some of these issues seem to have impacted on my boys. God helping me I am slowly and indeed steadily giving my life a shape once again. The house is being restored.... Finally I must add! Didn't realise the heap of junk I had accumulated and was hanging onto. Spoilt appliances that I could have repaired or discarded. Chai its sad when one is in a marriage but not married!

This late Mrs Shonde matter though not a new type of scenario these days has left me pondering at what point exactly does love turn to hate so much so that there will be physical engagement until the other party gets hurt. I initially assumed that it was a fight gone wrong.as per they were arguing and a few slaps occured and she rushed him but fell and broke her skull. Then I stumbled or rather joined a forum where many victims of domestic violence are sharing their experiences. A couple of them have said their spouses actually indicated that they so hated them I.e the wives they wanted to kill them. One said her hubby asked the children to visit a neighbour and he doused her with fuel then lit a cigarette. Another said the hubby keeps aiming for her face with a cutlass. All sorts of horrendous experiences out there. I just don't understand how a relationship would degenerate to that level!

my marriage hasn't been smooth so I'm.not coming from a judgemental angle. I keep saying perhaps if we had known each other for a longer period I wont have married him as we are most incompatible. But some of these people have dated and known their spouses for years before marriage. One's husband even said he would kill her and dump on a gutter then tell family members he just couldn't find her! That's just wicked no evil. To your purported lover?

God help  we women in D.V matters oh!



Mojisola said...

Hmmm my sister, it is unmentionable. I think marriage is hard for everyone. The degree of hardness and the kind of hardness is what makes one marriage different from another. I do not get a man threatening to kill you and you excuse it. Well let me take that back because even a mother will say that to her son during a whooping.

It's funny that you say that you wish you had courted your husband longer, I always wished I married mine sooner while I still had butterflies in my tummy. I always thought it would help me turn a blind eye to a lot of things. On the other hand, I hear some people's stories and start feeling like an ingrate.

DV is real and comes in many shapes and forms. I don't get it with all our "education".

Beautiful said...

I'm in F*N too and the stories being shared are heartwrenching. God help us but we also need to help ourselves. I happen to be in a happy marriage and these past few weeks have taught me not to take it for granted. Na wa o.

Fluffycutething said...

@Mojisola I cant understand anyone excusing the abuse too! Some women can even leave but just stay for foolish reasons! You're right though its hard for us all its the degree of hardness that makes it differ!

@ beautiful - I see you sis. That your man was specially packaged by God Himself. I guess to show the world that yes indeed marriage can be very very sweet. Please don't ever take him for granted...

Abiola Olaleye said...

Things happen.

You know I also wonder about this issue, it's crazy. SOmebody you were once crazy about and could not do without to the point of coming together in marriage, then after some years, this same person becomes loathsome to you. So much that you think of harming / hurting her or him as the case may be.

I pray for strength for everyone in abusive relationships and also pray for wisdom to know when to stop patching things up for the sake of keeping appearances, especially when push turns to shove.

Marriage is becoming harder by the day, seriously...

chrisyinks said...

So good to see you back to the blogosphere. Yeah, so true about missed opportunities and regrets. Still in my twenties and times when I introspect, I regret missed chances and the possibilities it may have springed forth. One magnificent thing about life is the constancy of second chances for each breaking day holds so much that we can create a better story for our life yet unlived. I also applaud your decision to rid yourself of junk in the surrounding - its one thing I strive to practice as much as possible.

The rising tide of domestic violence is a worrisome development in society at large and so much has been said about it. On an individual scale, I think people should get to have a better understanding of their self-woth and strive to be a good judge of character - these two recipe would help prevent one experiencing such devastating occurrence. On a societal scale, apart from the numerous post-dv measures, empowering women and the girl-child would mitigate the possibility of a man treating a lady as trash.

You know what I said about life and how each day gives us second chances. Well, this is yours - become the best wife ever (amongst other desires) and make him become the best hubby. Cheers

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