Wednesday, 2 May 2007

Am I a gossip(er)?

Been wondering over the past few weeks about this!!!

I've got this friend who has some many issues regarding her man and finances. It's been running for a long while and quite frankly i've been innundated and overwhelmed by the issues. Moreso she doesn't always take my advise so i've been forced to sit down, listen and say or do nothing.

Because i've got quite a "good heart" (truly my heart is kind) the issues really bother me and i find myself thinking about it over and over and over again. Sometimes that's all that's on my mind all day long!!!

We're quite close and tend to be together a lot of the times and these days i find myself telling my other friends about some of her issues in a bid to relieve some of my tension and because sometimes i'm so carried away with gists that i use her as examples and stuff like that.

Was telling someone, that i had mentioned it to another of our friends recently, when he said "That's not fair or nice. You shouldn't tell other people about her issues. Tis not their business"!!

Upon a mental count i must've told like 12 people about her challenges and right now i'm feeling so rotten and deceptive and unhappy. Especially because i know i have been unfair and put in the same shoes i won't be happy to know my friend whom i've confided in has "spread" my gist!!!

I feel quite saddened by it and wish i could undo my wrong!!

So now i'm thinking does this make me a gossip????????At what point does gist about/ referring to friends and family members experiences in d course of gist become gossip??

God help me with these my many complexities!!!


dolly said...

No you're not... just try and undo your wrong, cos she might not be to confide u no more

Keeping it real said...

Truth? Yes you are. And as long as you recognise it for what it is, you can correct yourself. It is never too late.

I confided in someone about a major major major upheaval in my life a few months ago and she spread the gist ( she claimed she only told our mutual friends- but if I wanted to let them now, I would have told them).

I resented it/her and we do not talk anymore.

The first step to curing a problem is knowing you have one. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you like to have your confidant mention something as sensitive as your marital/financial problems to someone else?

fluffycutething said...

@dolly- Thanks for making me feel better. I guess the only way i can undo my wrong is by learning to shut my trap!!!!

@K.I.T - You are absolutely correct and truly i still feel very bad. But I am working on remaining trust worthy to my friends and family by shutting my trap more often. I guess when the urge to talk about others arises, i will just bite my tongue.

Anonymous said...

Fluffy... I remember someone doing me so wrong recently... telling others something so personal that they'd found out about me(nothing bad... just not something i'd wanted to share with everyone)... it hurt me and it pissed me off because if id wanted them to know... i would've told them. I think the rule of thumb is to think of it this way 'whose story is it to tell?'... i'm not claiming to be a saint because i'm not and i'm sure that once or twice i've said something i wasn't supposed to... but because people have talked so much shit about me in my lifetime.. i guess i've become quite stingy with other peoples stories.. i dont want them to go through what i've been through... i have one friend that i tell almost everything... but i trust her with my life... just be careful babe.. cos you dont want your friends to loose their trust in you(the worst thing that could happen cos trust me ppl love gist and will spread stuff at the drop of a hat)

Waffarian said...

Babe, don't make such a big deal about this, we all human, its normal to confide in others, especially since you said you guys have been spending a lot of time recently together.It is good that you ask these questions, means you are a very honest person. Thats good. Advice to you: If you know that you can not handle the information, try to talk about other things, I know you want to listen and help her but it is obvious that you can not keep up and you are feeling overwhelmed with her issues.

ijeoma obu iheoma said...

we all gossip dear.. although to a lesser or more extent than others.. in any case.. sometimes its best to hit your friend over with the truth.. tell her that what you just told us.. she might understand.. this line had be cracking up
"Because i've got quite a "good heart" (truly my heart is kind)'

fluffycutething said...

@overwhelhemed - I guess i realised the babe truly trusted me and i was stabbing her in the back. So i've cleaned up now and stopped gossiping( at least to a large extent:)

@Waffy- Truly i guess that was part of my challenge. i just couldn't/still cannot keep up with her issues. So now i'll just avoid discussing them with her and keep veering our talks to other matters!!

@Ijeoma- Gossiping could be quite sweet i agree, but if you've ever been a victim, you'll not want to harm other people that way.

I truly realise the error of my ways now....

Thanks for stopping by my dear peeps

fluffycutething said...

@ ijeoma - me and my good heart abi (lol)

racquelle-cutie said...

well it is gossiping since you told other peopl about it.I know that gossiping can be addictive(trust me i know)but i think the best thing is to try and control your tongue,if the people around you want to get you involved in a gossip by maybe asking your opinion on the subject just give a grunt and shrug your shoulders(i do that a lot)

Anonymous said...


Afrobabe said...

yes,you be amebo

Afrobabe said...

and it better not be my gist you have been spreading,silly goat!

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