These are the issues…..

 My parents got divorced long before I turned three ( I think I may even have been younger) my dad was a very difficult person as I got to know him later on and even until his old age he remained the same. My mum while not a saint was to a large extent peaceful and loving. 

She told me of a couple she knew who were keeping malice with each other while living together. The year they - the wife decided enough is enough and made peace by wishing the man happy new year and sort of calling for a truce , was the year one of them ( can’t remember who) died . After years !!! Couldn’t understand it and it seemed extreme to my simple mind then . Strangely I find myself in almost similar circumstances. A spouse of almost 20 years and we barely exchange words because there’s simply nothing to say - anymore. The home has been a literal battleground. Largely caused by my spouse who seemed to enjoy all the quarrelling over nothing . Because at the end of the day when one looks back I don’t know what we have been quarrelling about.  On Sunday I offered to give him a lift to the shops and mentioned we’d go to the African food market if he didn’t mind afterwards. On the way back I realised I had to go straight to work for a short shift and wanted to go straight but wasn’t familiar with the route to my workplace from where we were! My phone wasn’t charged properly and so it went dead and I needed google maps . “Kindly”  he offered to use his phone as the map/sat nav . Like I said I wasn’t familiar with the route and kept missing my exit at the roundabout! As usual he started yelling at me and asking why I didn’t charge my phone etc . That only made the tension worse and made me more agitated. I was calm and told him to switch off his phone . Turned right back towards a longer but familiar road and we got to my workplace etc. 

On the drive back home I asked him if his approach after all these years is/was the best way. I told him I expected him to be a team player and more importantly a leader in this marriage and not turn every scenario into war. My phone not being charged was not the end of the world and he should have cut me some slack I had been driving for hours, was possibly tired , plus I didn’t know the route that well. Unusually he accepted his errors but still wanted to gaslight and put the blame on me. But I had passed my point across.  Of course things haven’t been fixed between uS and may never will. 

I’m back

 Clears cobwebs 

Blows dust 

I’m back?

Today

 Happy new year! So many cobwebs here 

Bookmarked

I don’t want to forget 

I’m thankful to God for life 

On the 19 of sept 2020 

I had  a stroke!!

Absolute randoms!!

 I’m on a fitness challenge once again. 

Taking it more serious now, jumped on the exercise wagon In July. My pace is slower this month so far but this group challenge should help me get back and improve my pace! So help me Lord !!!  

This age 40 sha . There’s something it does to the mind like a shift. A good one though. I pray for God’s continued mercies and opportunity to recover all that has been lost . I’m hoping to restart on many levels and get things right this time round ! 

On a whim I ordered a bag of potatoes from Jos. I still don’t even have the money to pay for the bag . Plan Is to eat some and sell off the rest if  all goes well , I’d cash in this season and hopefully make some pocket money at the least! So help me Lord once again. 

Finally somewhat resolved the issue my bathroom tiles have given me for the past four years . They’re black and absolutely difficult to clean. We also have hard water so even immediately a scrub the streak marks and soap scum remain *rolls eyes* I’m sure everyone  who’s stepped in imagines I don’t clean it ever ! Anyway I just stumbled on an idea an expanded on it I wiped it down with a towel soaked in bleach and voila...... it’s shiny black!!! I’m soooooooo elated I tell you  

Someone was sharing pictures of her kitchen gadgets on  in Instagram the other day. Made me wonder if people like the Ooni’s wife own any kitchen gadgets .  I mean I doubt if she does any cooking per se so does she own a blender she really likes and bought for eg? Or it’s the cook(s) living his or her dream and ordering for kitchen equipment he or she has always liked! 

I don mature for this jungle!!!!

I don mature for this jungle! 

Surely I am still a work in progress but I’ve certainly moved way past where I was. 

Demola’s bells rang yesterday. I was having a casual meal just nibbling on moin moin literally! I was simultaneously playing candy crush too. Next thing he’s yelling drop the phone drop the phone. For a second I thought he wanted to say something and I asked what’s up. Then he says I can’t eat and use my phone. 

So of course I asked “is it at this my forty years of age, that you want to determine what I can do or not do?’ E ma gba mi ke?!  He’s then yelling  about how so as my husband he’s too small to talk to me or tell me what to do. I then said he shouldn’t mix issues up but he certainly can’t be the one determining how and when I’d use my phone. 

What kind of ego makes some of these Nigerian men feel they can literally control another human being ie a wife?! I’m not his child or sibling why would he feel the need or urge to control me to that extent? 

That’s abuse ain’t it? It’s a battle I’ve fought endlessly. This same man at one time would turn off the tv in my room while I’m watching late at night and say to me “go to bed”. You can imagine the countless brawls that spun off from those incidents . Twelve years after it’s my use of the phone that’s his problem . And this is coming From someone who lives on his phone! Every waking second of his life he’s using the phone. It used to bother me at a time I cannot lie but I’ve grown used to it and  since adapted . 

What does he want me to fill in the gaps with if I can’t use my phone? I shouldn’t have any social interaction with him and I also shouldn’t with others? 

Anyway the bit where I was proud of myself is in the conversation thereafter! I asked him what the problem was . I have to screenshot the conversation so that in future when I’m reading this I’d further affirm to myself  really I was married to a pyscho.

I’m angry and sad and further depressed all at the same time. I’ve prayed though not as deeply as I should have. It’s a lot to deal with all at the same time. But there’s hope and light at the end of this tunnel. 

By God’s grace this too shall pass! 

We move!!!  xoxo 

Zeal

I’ve lost the zeal and will to go on!
I’m really really spent!
The issues are endless
I’m in a deep rut
Help seems so far off, I feel forsaken
I just wanna give it all up
But can I?
Will I?
Should I?

2020

I’m going to fight with everything I’ve got! I won’t give up! I will have victory!!!!

Yay!!!!

I should resurrect this page really!

This time round even though the issues haven’t changed much I want to document my steps and actions towards recovery!


I’m turning 40 next year God willing

picking up the pieces 1

Picking up the pieces

It may not completely make sense but I want to document this phase I passed through

Sometimes life decides to hand or deal a person a very long streak of unpleasantness!!!

This year has been one of those years "phew"

It's the fourth quarter and it's been a really long year for me! Literally at every turn and at every corner I've constantly found myself trapped, stuck and weary from issues of life as I put them!

Despite my many blessings I still find myself without a source of income and in an unhappy marriage...

This night like many nights I attempted to give it Another go and talked.

It went the way it always goes he just yakked and yakked!   Jumbled up all the issues and of course we had no conclusions... He said we would  continue but since he didn't bring it up again I just didn't bother  too! I'm so freaking worn out and tired of the mess

And the winner is........

the actual title of my post should actually be "awijare"! It's a Yoruba expression and I'm afraid I haven't been able to transliterate it to English!

The expression describes someone or people who table issues or discussions especially during conflicts with an aim to win! The intent is to box the listeners into your corner by adding sentiments like crying or exaggerated sighs and the likes but important thing or focus for the "awijareeee" is to ensure he or she appears as the victim and as such emerges the winner.

Over the past few weeks I have been in conflict as it were with a loved one. I'd have preferred if we could sit like adults and both express our feelings and find a meeting point for moving forward. Unfortunately the dialogue or rather attempt at dialogue broke down and third parties got involved.

I happened to have been dealing with someone who falls into the category I just detailed above and I've been shocked beyond my wits at the stories I've heard and tales that have literally emerged plus exaggerated scenarios all just to score cheap points!!!

It's disappointing I tell you but I guess that's the way the world is.

So today I ask in conflict resolution what should be important- scoring points and thus being the winner/victor? Irrespective of whether conflict gets resolved?!

Ensuring there's resolution despite not being crowned victor?
Have you been a "victim" of this type of scenario? What did you do? Do share!!!!

So caught up!!!!!

Chai its so easy* to get caught up with adulting and forget the little things that generally lift your spirit and keep you somewhat on a high!

Been so long my dearly beloved blog *kisses*

Even my smallie is now 7 months and with two teeth...

His brothers are almost my height and still driving me nuts! I never start abi?

We moved homes and settling down has been  a challenge. Just when I started to settle in mentally, we got robbed at the house and my MIL was badly hurt. it's been really tough! Her care, the finances and I've literally had to place my projections for the year on hold in the midst of all the drama!

This is asides the sleeplessness from paranoia and anxiety!

Don't even know what it feels like to have nail polish on anymore.... *sighs* this life sef!

Nevertheless I give all the glory to God! He's great

Lemme go and catch up brb

Accepting just as it is?

My sister sent me a random message today! The message was disjointed and just fueled my annoyance a bit.

It was a supposedly congratulatory message even though the word congratulations didn't feature in it! Three weeks after my little one arrived. Am i such a bad sibling?

The relationship has been strained for years i admit. I have my shortcomings but the gap has largely stemmed from her not accepting her wrong doing and insisting she didn't behave so badly. Unfortunately my other siblings haven't been so vocal on the subject. I have and i have even attempted several reconciliatory meetings. I gave up after the last one where she kept her nose in the air and still kept justifying her actions!!!!

I feel disappointed particularly in the light of the many sacrifices i made for her over the years. Again i'm sure along the way i probably had a few slip ups to. And i have apologised for as many as i have remembered.

Her husband said to me once that she feels aggrieved on some matters and i asked him how i was to make ammends if she doesn't bring it to the fore!

my older brother says that we must operate with people on thier level and be accepting of people as they are! So for eg if she insists that on the matter that caused the strain and some of her subsequent actions she is right then we should let it be and operate with her on that level.

So i ask myself, am i supposed to respond to her message and pretend it doesn't upset me????????

Really i feel soooo sooo annoyed here right now!

Again i'm likely to be told to suck it up after all her greeting me or not greeting me doesn't change the price of fish in the market!

But should this be so?????

Phew..... it's all out! Feel better somewhat

My husband!

This economy can just disgrace someone sha! Found myself picking some nail polish in a cheap store and my bill was 5 dollars, my brain somehow converted to naira and i was like "huh three nail polish for N1500*, i'm not buying biko" ... Mcheeewww

May God see us through this period oh! We didn't have a Joseph to dream and warn us of tough times ahead! It is well.

Lemme go onto my husband matters *eyes flutter*

Recently met someone, very nice lady. She's got a great family as well. They've been married for a bit and seem like a regular happy family. What i find intriguing and amusing is the way the wife punctuates her sentences with *my sweerat*! As in we are having a convo and she wants to randomly refer to her mr and where i would say hubby's name she says (for eg) * i was telling my sweerat that we are going to the mall*.Sometimes i find it quite amusing but then i wonder why?. is she trying to affirm to me that she loves her lover???? :D

Another dear friend used to punctuate sentences with my husband when she first got married of course by the time they settled into the marriage and issues of life caught up with them, she changed his name to his name :D

I would call my partner/spouse/boyfriend a pet name only when we are alone or if i'm conversing with him or better still during nooky!!!!

Be like say something dey do me today oh LOL Hmmmmm

I keep wondering what it's like to date a man like Usain Bolt.. you know ;) such strength!!!!!!!

Meanwhile why are female athletes literally naked in their outfits? The same sports their male counterparts are able to cover their privates now. Abi? All their buttocks will just be out there, quite distasteful abeg..

Recently stumbled on one BBC feature/video called Lagos to London, it was published some months back  and though i heard of it, i never got to watch it. Nigerians are trying oh! Almost had headache after watching the thing! Imagine Toke Makinwa spending 5000pounds in one shopping spree! chai. Then some boys talking about thousands of pounds on party!!!!! Where were they when i was single and searching for a man? Couldn't they toast me? Mcheeeewwwww

We are moving homes! really happy at that, quite tired of my present flat especially since i was told that a co-tenant is a *commercial diabolical spiritualist* i.e he offers fetish services to people! I heard he even slaughters birds in his flat... Hian

I'm just happy to be moving abeg, i have small small children who play around the compound. May God protect us all.

Going to finish off my breakfast of oatmeal.... yep trying to be healthy these days :D

Baby news!

Baby's finally here :D

I give God all the glory.

It's a boy, the third boy LOL.

I'm sleep deprived and trying to get the hang of it all again. The past two weeks have been exhilarating. I'm not in my home environment so not as settled as i'd like but still i'm thankful and happy for everything God has blessed me with right now.

I'm giving exclusive breast feeding a trial. Gave it a shot with no 2 but not as seriously as i should have. So help me God this time. I had to give a few ml of formula on day 1 and 2 though because my supply was still low and so on.

I'm calmer this time too and the crying doesn't bother me or i don't feel frustrated. I'm not praying as much as i should but again God will help me, i can only get better. I guess at the time bobo refuses to sleep in the night i better just buckle up on prayers.....

I have also decided to take it easy and not pressure myself unnecessarily so for eg we bathe when we bathe ;) no pressure of baby must be washed day and night.....

Lemme go and check on the small mr!

Lots and lots to say!

Kai this my old age belle na wa oh!

i'm literally at my wits ends just waiting for baby to pop!. I'm so so bored and my phone plus ipad have decided to stop functioning. this is me who isn't working at the moment. Over and above the lecture i got from mr on how wasteful i am *rolls eyes*

The economy is bringing out all sorts of sides from everyone. Don't completely blame him his plate and hands truly are full right now!

We are moving homes soon, i'm looking forward to starting life afresh. the neighbourhood is sort of rural though but i will do all i can to make me and the boys comfy. we will have to look for creative ways to entertain ourselves....

A couple of my friends spent hundreds of thousands fixing curtains for their homes just the living room oh! I was sure at the time they were just being extravagant. This shall not be my portion..... Mine had better cost far less oh!

I'm torn between looking for employment once i have the baby or staying home for at least a year to care properly for the children. Don't even want a maid for now, all that talking i did with my last maid has worn me out. So help me God, the bright side of having a baby and doing all the chores and cooking alone is the attendant weight loss. I'm just going to have to plan, prioritise and be organised.

Two of my former colleagues were found to be involved in a huge fraud/scam. The amounts involved are millions of naira. I had always known they were shady characters but my boss isn't one to approach with such suspicions and besides one of the people was literally his heartthrob. He would practically have an orgasm just calling the fellow's name :D! one of my concerns on the subject is how these fellows would relay the incident and subsequent loss of jobs to their wives. One has even fled abroad!  i imagine them saying things like "honey i did it for the family" or "i'm sorry"? Really i wonder sha. then the wife is she supposed/expected to quit the marriage? Or support as in for better for worse. Then again the wives involved did enjoy the proceeds of the fraud. i'm sure they both knew their husbands were spending and living far above their means. Abi could they have not known?

One of the highlights* of this fraud case for me is the overall boss and the finance people. You should see them scrutinizing one thousand naira expenses and generally monitoring the usage of morning fresh/handwash/toilet roll in the office. Meanwhile millions of cash were being stolen over a period of a year and they had no damn clue!!!!!!

Let me split this my gist into two.... Will be back soon;)

Breather part 2

so far so good with this staying at home meme. I've spent a lot of the time musing about the past though and I am filled with many regrets at the wasted time and lost opportunities because I just have not been settled enough to enjoy or even live life as if were.
been so so consumed by my challenges at work and at home. Sad part is the effect some of these issues seem to have impacted on my boys. God helping me I am slowly and indeed steadily giving my life a shape once again. The house is being restored.... Finally I must add! Didn't realise the heap of junk I had accumulated and was hanging onto. Spoilt appliances that I could have repaired or discarded. Chai its sad when one is in a marriage but not married!


This late Mrs Shonde matter though not a new type of scenario these days has left me pondering at what point exactly does love turn to hate so much so that there will be physical engagement until the other party gets hurt. I initially assumed that it was a fight gone wrong.as per they were arguing and a few slaps occured and she rushed him but fell and broke her skull. Then I stumbled or rather joined a forum where many victims of domestic violence are sharing their experiences. A couple of them have said their spouses actually indicated that they so hated them I.e the wives they wanted to kill them. One said her hubby asked the children to visit a neighbour and he doused her with fuel then lit a cigarette. Another said the hubby keeps aiming for her face with a cutlass. All sorts of horrendous experiences out there. I just don't understand how a relationship would degenerate to that level!


my marriage hasn't been smooth so I'm.not coming from a judgemental angle. I keep saying perhaps if we had known each other for a longer period I wont have married him as we are most incompatible. But some of these people have dated and known their spouses for years before marriage. One's husband even said he would kill her and dump on a gutter then tell family members he just couldn't find her! That's just wicked no evil. To your purported lover?


God help  we women in D.V matters oh!












 

Breather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't believe i'm only just typing my first post for the year in March.

Na wa oh!

It's amazing how we can get so so caught up with life and activities!

I had to take a sudden and hard decision. I quit my job!!!

Too many issues kept cropping up and i was sad and miserable. My whole life just seemed to be spiraling further out of control.

Coupled with the fact that at the end of last year i found out i was expecting a baby again.

I'm hoping the time out before baby's arrival will help me put things in perspective and get a grip towards starting over and so on!

Master toilet?

Not sure what the landlord was thinking really but this is what the toilet and bathroom in the master bedroom of our former  house looks like!!!!

Training tins#

Been "training" my waist all day...

Nor be small tin oh, "we" chicks dey try truly!

As for Lagos chicks who successfully wear those monsters for day on end.... i raise my buttocks to una!

To those with slim/flat bellies, your best bet is to ensure you keep it that way....

This weight loss meme na real wa!