How really do we rid ourselves of friends and friendships that have recurring negative energy??????
Toxins, constant issues that half the time make no sense.
You've tried to stay away but no..... it all just keeps coming back
All the constant drama does get boring and it is quite draining you know....
Arrrrghh!!!!!
Friday, 20 July 2007
Patterns
This article really struck me, the coloured bits really really struck me ;)
Be Aware of Your Patterns
If you're like most people, you've probably noticed some(certain) patterns in your life.
True
By "patterns," I mean situations that seem to show up over and over again; the cast of characters may change a bit, but the end results remain the same. In and of themselves, such patterns aren't necessarily good or bad. They can be the source of boundless joy or tremendous frustration, economic abundance or financial struggle.
In fact, it's quite likely that you have both positive and negative patterns in your life right now.
For instance, maybe you've worked for numerous bosses who have been very critical of you. No matter what company you're with, the same result occurs. This is a pattern.If you honestly analyze your life, you will see that you have created (and continue to create!) many patterns-- some that serve you and others that hinder your progress.
At the root of most patterns is a belief system (your expectations about what you can achieve) and your level of self esteem (how you feel about yourself).
For instance, if you don't believe that you are capable of earning more than a certain amount of money, you'll go from one position or career to another and find that in each case, you earn only as much as your expectations will allow.
Similarly, if you have relatively low self esteem, you'll find that in one relationship after another, (both personally and in your career) you will tend to attract people who will constantly put you down.
Let's look at some specific steps you can take to create new patterns that will improve every area of your life:
1. Identify your current patterns.
Take stock of the results you've produced in the following areas: career, finances, health, professional and personal relationships.
Are you steadily advancing in your career? ... or are you bouncing from job to job or stagnating in a position you hate? Do you feel that colleagues appreciate your efforts or are you regularly criticized "for no good reason"?
After identifying your patterns, ask yourself: What beliefs do I have that contribute to these outcomes? For instance, you may believe that "You can only earn money after a lot of struggle" ... or that "People will ultimately let you down." Make a list of your beliefs.
2. Stop placing the blame on others or on external circumstances. If you've identified any patterns you don't like, the solution is not found in blaming your parents,your employer or spouse. And, guess what? It won't help to blame yourself either! You'll just feel worse. Simply acknowledge the fact that you are perpetuating the pattern because of your thinking and your behavior.
3. Visualize the new pattern you wish to develop. Your mind is now filled with pictures that support your existing circumstances! To break free from this, you must substitute images of what you choose to become.So, if you want to be more confident, imagine yourself acting with more assurance. For instance, you migh tthink of yourself delivering an effective presentation in front of a large group in your company.
4. Watch your words. Be very careful about what you say,both to yourself ("self talk") and to others. Words and phrases that put you down or describe your limitations will keep you from establishing a new pattern.
5. Distance yourself from those who exhibit your "old"pattern. If you want to break a dependency on drugs or alcohol, you can't continue to hang around people who abuse these substances, right? Similarly, if you want to break a chain of negative thinking, don't keep company with negative thinkers.
6. Take action that supports the new pattern. If you have been putting off regular exercise for years, make the commitment to take a walk every day for the next 30days. In just a few days, you'll start developing a new pattern of exercising. Perhaps you'll choose to read a book for an hour or two in the evenings instead of watching TV. Get a book today and start reading tonight.
The time to start your new pattern is now. Action creates momentum. Pay attention to recurring situations in your life. They aren't happening by "accident;" rather, they are a reflection of what's going on inside of you. When you elevate your thinking about what's possible -- and feel good about yourself -- you'll begin to produce miracles!
Be Aware of Your Patterns
If you're like most people, you've probably noticed some(certain) patterns in your life.
True
By "patterns," I mean situations that seem to show up over and over again; the cast of characters may change a bit, but the end results remain the same. In and of themselves, such patterns aren't necessarily good or bad. They can be the source of boundless joy or tremendous frustration, economic abundance or financial struggle.
In fact, it's quite likely that you have both positive and negative patterns in your life right now.
For instance, maybe you've worked for numerous bosses who have been very critical of you. No matter what company you're with, the same result occurs. This is a pattern.If you honestly analyze your life, you will see that you have created (and continue to create!) many patterns-- some that serve you and others that hinder your progress.
At the root of most patterns is a belief system (your expectations about what you can achieve) and your level of self esteem (how you feel about yourself).
For instance, if you don't believe that you are capable of earning more than a certain amount of money, you'll go from one position or career to another and find that in each case, you earn only as much as your expectations will allow.
Similarly, if you have relatively low self esteem, you'll find that in one relationship after another, (both personally and in your career) you will tend to attract people who will constantly put you down.
Let's look at some specific steps you can take to create new patterns that will improve every area of your life:
1. Identify your current patterns.
Take stock of the results you've produced in the following areas: career, finances, health, professional and personal relationships.
Are you steadily advancing in your career? ... or are you bouncing from job to job or stagnating in a position you hate? Do you feel that colleagues appreciate your efforts or are you regularly criticized "for no good reason"?
After identifying your patterns, ask yourself: What beliefs do I have that contribute to these outcomes? For instance, you may believe that "You can only earn money after a lot of struggle" ... or that "People will ultimately let you down." Make a list of your beliefs.
2. Stop placing the blame on others or on external circumstances. If you've identified any patterns you don't like, the solution is not found in blaming your parents,your employer or spouse. And, guess what? It won't help to blame yourself either! You'll just feel worse. Simply acknowledge the fact that you are perpetuating the pattern because of your thinking and your behavior.
3. Visualize the new pattern you wish to develop. Your mind is now filled with pictures that support your existing circumstances! To break free from this, you must substitute images of what you choose to become.So, if you want to be more confident, imagine yourself acting with more assurance. For instance, you migh tthink of yourself delivering an effective presentation in front of a large group in your company.
4. Watch your words. Be very careful about what you say,both to yourself ("self talk") and to others. Words and phrases that put you down or describe your limitations will keep you from establishing a new pattern.
5. Distance yourself from those who exhibit your "old"pattern. If you want to break a dependency on drugs or alcohol, you can't continue to hang around people who abuse these substances, right? Similarly, if you want to break a chain of negative thinking, don't keep company with negative thinkers.
6. Take action that supports the new pattern. If you have been putting off regular exercise for years, make the commitment to take a walk every day for the next 30days. In just a few days, you'll start developing a new pattern of exercising. Perhaps you'll choose to read a book for an hour or two in the evenings instead of watching TV. Get a book today and start reading tonight.
The time to start your new pattern is now. Action creates momentum. Pay attention to recurring situations in your life. They aren't happening by "accident;" rather, they are a reflection of what's going on inside of you. When you elevate your thinking about what's possible -- and feel good about yourself -- you'll begin to produce miracles!
Monday, 16 July 2007
It's time to attend to myself!!
Over the past few months(years actually) i've neglected "myself" and busied myself tending to others(who haven't quite appreciated it i must add) instead and so now i'm taking a step back to work on "me" and improve "moi" and have a generally enhanced well being. I've just realised that after serving God, that's one of "D koko's(essence) of being in this life.
I'll be detailing the steps i'm taking and measuring how well i'm doing on this thingiiiii!!!!
Someone forwarded this to me and i found some of the tips useful, i've marked the ones i can and will do in yellow and put some of my thoughts in green!!!
36 CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS
An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places. Especially since i'm going to be dealing with Lagos traffic;)
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases. Also avoid buying stuff on credit generally this "pay small small" at each month end syndrome.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K. Y. M.S. (Keep Your (mine this case;)Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible(or any good book) with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest. Health is wealth
18. Eat right. In small portions as well
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.( This i already do, it's amazing how it helps truly)
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder(maybe notebook) of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge betweendespair and hope is often a good"Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all. Don't know about this second bit oh
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can). Hmmmm
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most). It can be quite exasperating i must tell you and trust me i know!!!!
32. Sit on your ego. Don't let pride ruin/rule you, your ego mustn't become bloated
33. Talk less; listen more. Very important
34. Slow down. Especially when driving!!!(lol)
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe. Or the saviour of thw world at that!
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. Even if it's just for still being alive:)
I'll be detailing the steps i'm taking and measuring how well i'm doing on this thingiiiii!!!!
Someone forwarded this to me and i found some of the tips useful, i've marked the ones i can and will do in yellow and put some of my thoughts in green!!!
36 CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS
An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places. Especially since i'm going to be dealing with Lagos traffic;)
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases. Also avoid buying stuff on credit generally this "pay small small" at each month end syndrome.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K. Y. M.S. (Keep Your (mine this case;)Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible(or any good book) with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest. Health is wealth
18. Eat right. In small portions as well
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.( This i already do, it's amazing how it helps truly)
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder(maybe notebook) of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge betweendespair and hope is often a good"Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all. Don't know about this second bit oh
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can). Hmmmm
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most). It can be quite exasperating i must tell you and trust me i know!!!!
32. Sit on your ego. Don't let pride ruin/rule you, your ego mustn't become bloated
33. Talk less; listen more. Very important
34. Slow down. Especially when driving!!!(lol)
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe. Or the saviour of thw world at that!
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. Even if it's just for still being alive:)
Before Sunday.....
It had been a long week last week,
All i wanted to do this weekend was watch movies and catch up on sleep!!!!!
It started off well and kinda normal.
I bought petrol so that nothing would hamper my plans, there was food all over the house so i won't get bored. I had a book to read and magazines to catch up on.
Nothing could go wrong, my plan was fool proof.
Nepa was at it (as expected) on Friday morning before i left for work and thanks to the generator i didn't quite notice it.
On Friday , i got home quite early, all just so that i could catch up on my sleep.
and then it happened
Nepa had struck and i attempted to put on the generator.
I heard a loud bang and took off...
To cut the long story short
Generator no gree work,
The whole weekend Nepa didn't flicker for more than ten minutes.
I was so so depressed.
Surprisingly i was calm through out, normally i'd have started to throw tantrums but this time i took it all in my stride.
This country especially Lagos is tough to live in true.
Right now i'm battling sleep seriously!!!!
The heat was much didn't sleep till 2.30 last night and i still needed to be up by about 6am to avoid getting stuck in traffic, which is inevitable anyway!!!
Hopefully i'd be able to catch up on the sleep when the generator is fixed today...
All i wanted to do was sleep and i couldn't even get it done!!!
This Lagos na real wa ;)
All i wanted to do this weekend was watch movies and catch up on sleep!!!!!
It started off well and kinda normal.
I bought petrol so that nothing would hamper my plans, there was food all over the house so i won't get bored. I had a book to read and magazines to catch up on.
Nothing could go wrong, my plan was fool proof.
Nepa was at it (as expected) on Friday morning before i left for work and thanks to the generator i didn't quite notice it.
On Friday , i got home quite early, all just so that i could catch up on my sleep.
and then it happened
Nepa had struck and i attempted to put on the generator.
I heard a loud bang and took off...
To cut the long story short
Generator no gree work,
The whole weekend Nepa didn't flicker for more than ten minutes.
I was so so depressed.
Surprisingly i was calm through out, normally i'd have started to throw tantrums but this time i took it all in my stride.
This country especially Lagos is tough to live in true.
Right now i'm battling sleep seriously!!!!
The heat was much didn't sleep till 2.30 last night and i still needed to be up by about 6am to avoid getting stuck in traffic, which is inevitable anyway!!!
Hopefully i'd be able to catch up on the sleep when the generator is fixed today...
All i wanted to do was sleep and i couldn't even get it done!!!
This Lagos na real wa ;)
On Sunday....
My Pastor said that we should
1. Realise
Where we are coming from
Our past mistakes
Where we should be
Where we are headed
Who we are
Etc
2. Repent
Of all our past sins
Of our past ways
3. REPENT
Of all bad things
Etc
4. Restitute
Make ammends for our past sins(where we are able to do so)
Desist from doing bad bad things ;)
Live right
Pray harder
Work harder
So that our life can be good and we can go to heaven;)
I commit to doing all these today, so help me Lord
N.B- This is a short summary of all that was said.
1. Realise
Where we are coming from
Our past mistakes
Where we should be
Where we are headed
Who we are
Etc
2. Repent
Of all our past sins
Of our past ways
3. REPENT
Of all bad things
Etc
4. Restitute
Make ammends for our past sins(where we are able to do so)
Desist from doing bad bad things ;)
Live right
Pray harder
Work harder
So that our life can be good and we can go to heaven;)
I commit to doing all these today, so help me Lord
N.B- This is a short summary of all that was said.
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
So Far So Good....
This month has been quite "dry"
So far nothing "note worthy" has happened
Everything just seems to be so stagnant and nothing exciting is happening to me!!
Keeping my fingers crossed to see what the rest of the month will unfold for me;)
So far nothing "note worthy" has happened
Everything just seems to be so stagnant and nothing exciting is happening to me!!
Keeping my fingers crossed to see what the rest of the month will unfold for me;)
Saturday, 7 July 2007
Just like in the movies.....
The friendship started off quite ordinarily
He was easy to talk to.....
I was in a real jam, he sorted me and provided a shoulder to lean on during that period
We hung out as often as we could
Those were such happy times
Many many months and maybe even years after in a sudden "aha" moment he gave me a kiss
We took it further and ended up making fire under the covers, i killed the fire and chased him off as soon as i realised it was " he" on top of me
I didn't realise he was really fond of me
I thought what i wanted or rather was looking for will appear in a finer and bigger package!!!!
Some little girl appeared on the scene
I teased him mercilessly about it
He suddenly disappeared and i got more absorbed with my life
Last night I saw him, he's in the country on a short vacation
With the little girl in tow......
I was with him till pretty late
We kissed
It was quite passionate
Just like in the movies
And then i realised he had become what i was looking for
A nicer, finer and even bigger package
Today, I am being tormented by so many thoughts of what could've been
If only i had looked beyond my nose at the time.....
The friendship started off quite ordinarily
He was easy to talk to.....
I was in a real jam, he sorted me and provided a shoulder to lean on during that period
We hung out as often as we could
Those were such happy times
Many many months and maybe even years after in a sudden "aha" moment he gave me a kiss
We took it further and ended up making fire under the covers, i killed the fire and chased him off as soon as i realised it was " he" on top of me
I didn't realise he was really fond of me
I thought what i wanted or rather was looking for will appear in a finer and bigger package!!!!
Some little girl appeared on the scene
I teased him mercilessly about it
He suddenly disappeared and i got more absorbed with my life
Last night I saw him, he's in the country on a short vacation
With the little girl in tow......
I was with him till pretty late
We kissed
It was quite passionate
Just like in the movies
And then i realised he had become what i was looking for
A nicer, finer and even bigger package
Today, I am being tormented by so many thoughts of what could've been
If only i had looked beyond my nose at the time.....
Friday, 6 July 2007
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
All sorts!!!!!!!!!!!
My ex sent me a text last nite saying I had put him in trouble...
Nothing nasty, more like a mischievous text in fact.
I called back but he was already asleep, so this morning I call him and he says " oh some chick he's seeing found out we had shagged after breaking up(Okafor's law was in effect here)!!
And i thought big deal,i'm not going to go on a guilt trip cause of that!!
This morning, he sends another text saying to please buzz him when i'm free.
I do so and he gives me a mini-shocker.
He says the little girl wants to talk to me. Now i'm like what's that about?????
So out of curiousity i collect her number( i don't want her having my no and all that paparazzi) and give her a ring from my office line/phone.
She picks and i say "so i heard you wanna speak to me" Then she says she just wants to apologise for coming between me and my ex... she's so sorry, she don't want me bearing her grudge and stuff. That she didn't know he was involved with someone at the time she met him and all that paparazzi......
At this point i'm thinking.. "wetin be this one now?"
So i tell her, i truly bear her no grudge(really she's of no significance to me) and the relationship broke up for reasons that didn't quite include her(at least i hope she was not a catalyst to the whole degeneration of the relationship)!!!
Since then i've been wondering, which kain thing be this, this early morning for that matter?
Was that really the reason she wanted to speak to me?
All sorts that i've seen in this my short span of life, true....
Nothing nasty, more like a mischievous text in fact.
I called back but he was already asleep, so this morning I call him and he says " oh some chick he's seeing found out we had shagged after breaking up(Okafor's law was in effect here)!!
And i thought big deal,i'm not going to go on a guilt trip cause of that!!
This morning, he sends another text saying to please buzz him when i'm free.
I do so and he gives me a mini-shocker.
He says the little girl wants to talk to me. Now i'm like what's that about?????
So out of curiousity i collect her number( i don't want her having my no and all that paparazzi) and give her a ring from my office line/phone.
She picks and i say "so i heard you wanna speak to me" Then she says she just wants to apologise for coming between me and my ex... she's so sorry, she don't want me bearing her grudge and stuff. That she didn't know he was involved with someone at the time she met him and all that paparazzi......
At this point i'm thinking.. "wetin be this one now?"
So i tell her, i truly bear her no grudge(really she's of no significance to me) and the relationship broke up for reasons that didn't quite include her(at least i hope she was not a catalyst to the whole degeneration of the relationship)!!!
Since then i've been wondering, which kain thing be this, this early morning for that matter?
Was that really the reason she wanted to speak to me?
All sorts that i've seen in this my short span of life, true....
Monday, 2 July 2007
Last night....
I couldn't sleep
It was cold
I remembered the passion we shared
Morning, Afternoon and Night
Your touch always felt the same
At those times
Nothing else mattered
Just your gentle voice(twas at that time anyway)
And the sound of my name on your lips and yours on mine
I loved scratching your arms at those times
The tingly feelings you always made me feel
All gone now....
I really missed you last nite!!!!!
You know who you are
It was cold
I remembered the passion we shared
Morning, Afternoon and Night
Your touch always felt the same
At those times
Nothing else mattered
Just your gentle voice(twas at that time anyway)
And the sound of my name on your lips and yours on mine
I loved scratching your arms at those times
The tingly feelings you always made me feel
All gone now....
I really missed you last nite!!!!!
You know who you are
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